ever, has nothing to do with being a special
needs family. When we found out that we had
circumstances different from typical families, I
went through a short period of what I can only
describe as despair. This was because I did not
realize that as different as I believed the chal-
lenges my family would face would be from the
challenges of other families, they really were not
so different at all.
What I discovered was that every family has chal-
lenges, and it is how we rise or fall to face them
that define us. It was in the face of these challeng-
es that Teddy’s second piece of advice suddenly
felt deep and profound.
On the surface, saying “let me check with my
wife” sounds meek and weak-willed, letting
Teddy’s first piece of advice run roughshod over
the checking husband. I suppose some people
could take it this way, but those people would be
wrong.
“Let me check with my wife” is all about commu-
nication; it is all about equality and partnership.
Some partners may feel the need to have one
spouse domi-
nate the deci-
sion-making
process—that
is their pre-
rogative, but
in our fam-
ily, Jess and I
like to think
of each other,
and treat
each other, as
equals. This
has been a
major key to
our success as
partners and
parents.
but we do want them to be part of some of the
decision-making processes. We want them not to
just feel heard; we want them to be heard.
How that voice is expressed is different for ev-
eryone, my girls included. What I have worked
hard to do is learn how to listen, knowing that
communication comes in many different forms.
The way Katie communicates is different from
the way Brooke communicates, which, in turn, is
different from the way Jess communicates. I try
my best not just to listen to what each is trying to
say but to hear it as well.
Communication isn’t always easy. Sometimes
what worked yesterday will not work today or
tomorrow before working again next week, but
as long as we continue to validate each other’s
voices, we continue to find ways to rise to and
overcome the challenges life brings us.
Take the time to listen, and happiness will follow.
“
What I discovered
was that every family
has challenges, and
it is how we rise or
fall to face them that
defines us.
”
This empowerment of voice is something we
have tried to pass down to our girls. They are our
children, so they cannot make family decisions,
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ZOOM Autism through Many Lenses
ZOOM Autism through Many Lenses
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