give hope to others on the autism spectrum that
it is possible to have all this, and hopefully we
will give them the courage to go beyond their
comfort zones to reach for their dreams at finding true love. We also want to give hope to all
parents of autistic children that their child can
have a happy life and love and relationships.
tant in this arena and plan to help change the
numbers of unemployed autistic people. Only
15% of those on the spectrum are working.
The remaining 85% aren’t working for various
reasons, mostly because of what happens in the
workplace for autistic people. I believe I can
change this.
We are available for speaking engagements and
workshops of various types. We are planning
on presenting at various types of conferences
in addition to autism conferences. Events that
are about love, relationships, marriage, and jobs
will be on our list. Of course, autism conferences are our main focus, but we feel we can
be of help at numerous venues. (Visit Anita &
Abraham’s website to see where they will be and for
further information. www.allautisticwedding.com )
My mom’s dying request was that I promise
to proceed and start the organization I had
planned. On August 22, 2013, I founded my
501(c)3 non-profit organization, the Flying High
with Autism Foundation. This year, we are planning to take off to great heights with this organization. I am the Executive Director/CEO, and
Dr. Stephen Shore is the Assistant Director. We
want to organize an international conference
and bring in the top names of the autism world
to make a difference in many lives.
Working as a Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist for the past 26 years, as the only autistic
person in oceans of neurotypicals, has given me
tremendous insight for both autistic employees and employers. I have become a consul-
Stephen: What advice would you like to give
others on the autism spectrum about dating?
PO
Stephen: What recommendations do you have
for parents to empower their children to have
fulfilling and meaningful relationships of their
choosing as adults?
Dr. Stephen Shore officiated the wedding.
ZOOM Autism through Many Lenses
About two years ago, I discovered I wasn’t
alone in this situation. I learned it actually has a
name, a few names in fact. It’s called the Surrogate Spouse Syndrome, and more frequently,
the Surrogate Husband Syndrome. It turns out
that it is very common for mothers of autistic
sons to turn their sons into surrogate husbands.
They begin spending all their time together,
traveling together, dining out together, everything just like a regular husband and wife,
minus the sex. This seemingly works out just
wonderfully for both of them. Unfortunately, as
time goes on, and that son turns into an adult
man, he’s totally emotionally dependent on his
mother, to the point that it can seriously interfere with his ability to develop a healthy relationship with a prospective partner.
PO
Anita & Abraham: We realize that our situation was rather unusual. However, we believe
that people should get out of the mindset of traditional dating. And certainly forget about the
crazy rules of dating! Don’t create a pre-conceived image of a person you think you want
to meet. Think in terms of finding a friend, and
see what leads from that. In order for a relationship to work, you must be friends first, and you
must be comfortable with the person. Looking
to date someone with a certain hair color or
certain look won’t last. Communication is the
key factor of a successful relationship. Without
it, there can’t be a lasting anything. It builds the
foundation upon which everything else rests.
34
relationship, I’d then feel guilty inside for even
thinking of leaving her and the intense relationship we had.
Abraham, Anita, and Stephen Shore enjoy spending time
together.
Anita: This is a very difficult and complex
question, Stephen. Two days before my mom
Rita died, she apologized to me for turning me
into a substitute spouse for her. My whole life
she was my
very best friend.
We went everywhere together,
did everything
together. We
had an incredible bond that
few would ever
understand. But
that came with
a cost. It also
made me emotionally dependent on her, to
the point where I’d realized I’d never be able
to leave her to find a life partner or get married. As badly as I wanted to find a man for a
My suggestion to parents is this: Give your autistic child all the love and devotion you possibly can. Believe in them. Support them. Be their
cheerleading squad. Encourage them to be the
very best they can be. Be their shoulder to cry
on or simply lean on, and always be there to
listen to them and offer y