If you are not autistic , it ’ s your responsibility to communicate your needs to the autistic people in your life . That means telling your husband that him writing a letter to your boss doesn ’ t help and you just want a back massage or telling him about your day if he forgot to ask instead of thinking that it means he ’ s not interested . It also means reminding yourself , again and again , that every time you struggle when interacting with autistic people , you ’ re getting just a small taste of what it ’ s like for them to interact with the entire world .
Autistic culture isn ’ t inherently disabled or wrong . It ’ s just different . What ’ s really disabling is fighting an uphill battle against a world that doesn ’ t accept you when being autistic is already hard enough as is .
Autistic people are disabled by the fact that our normal behaviors are seen as rude , crude , or antisocial . Our intentions are misinterpreted , our natural body language is seen as wrong or lacking , our emotions are misread , our sensory needs and pains are dismissed , our conversation structure is viewed as self-absorbed , and our expressions of empathy are read as uncaring .
In short , it ’ s disabling to be autistic in a neurotypical culture . And sometimes the most important thing you can do as a nonautistic ally is to remember that .
Kirsten Lindsmith is a consultant , artist , and autism advocate . She is a member of the board of advisors for the Yale Child Study Center ’ s Initiative for Girls and Women with Autism Spectrum Disorder and works in collaboration with NYU ’ s ASD Nest program for NYC public school students on the spectrum . She lives in Brooklyn and maintains a blog where she writes articles about ASD-related topics .
Even if we don ’ t always come out and say it , we all know that the autistic minority has to adapt to an alien culture that won ’ t adapt to us . That ’ s just the way the world works . When you play the game of social integration , you win or you die .
After all , there ’ s a reason why the mainstream philosophy is to drill autistic kids with eye contact and handshakes . The physical pain and psychological trauma of autistics is secondary to the minor confusion of nonautistics when those nonautistics are the ones with the power to arrest us , hire us or fire us .
We live amidst a neurotypical majority in a world where everything from clothing to infrastructure is designed without us in mind .
ZOOM Autism through Many Lenses 27