me as we left , “ That was so stressful . Why were you arguing ? It sounded like you were agreeing !” Surprised , I dug deeper and realized that he was thrown off by our natural autistic conversation style . My mother and I had been talking about some scientific topic we both found exciting . Thus , our conversation was essentially what my ex would come to refer to as “ shouting facts at each other .” I was having fun , but my ex was as uncomfortable as I was when I struggled to make care-giving small talk with his nonautistic family .
It ’ s not that my natural conversation style is “ disabled ,” because it ’ s perfectly functional with other neurologically diverse people .
To quote the blog Autism Through Cats , “ We ’ re disabled by the way it ’ s socially acceptable to wear strong perfume that makes us feel ill but it ’ s not acceptable to cope with stress by rocking .”
The neurodiversity movement defines autism as not only a pervasive developmental disability but also a constellation of traits that describe a particular type of person . In short , autism is a way of being . Some of these traits can be very disabling , some can be gifts , and some can be neutral , just an aspect of human diversity .
I ’ ve found that the most successful way to improve my social skills is to study autism and allism ( nonautism ) as though they are two different cultures . Why do autistic people socialize in this unique way ? What functions do the hallmarks of nonautistic culture serve ?
For example , some key traits of autism that affect social communication are lack of self-awareness , impaired cognitive empathy , weak central coherence , information-centered conversation , sensory-processing differences , perseveration and inertia , social scripting , and trauma-induced social anxiety .
Conversely , some of the key traits that define nonautistic culture are other-centered conversa-
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ZOOM Autism through Many Lenses