Those of us on the autism spectrum often have trouble understanding and following the social rules that neurotypicals learn instinctively , so we are all too often bullied by our peers or punished by authority figures – sometimes for things we didn ’ t know we did wrong . Even when we try our best to follow the rules , we still make mistakes , and this can be frustrating and discouraging .
Sometimes , well-meaning people urge us to try to learn the rules . But they ’ re complex , and there always seems to be so much to learn and remember . Many resources for people on the spectrum include long and complicated lists of rules , but it may be easier and more helpful to follow a short , simple set of guidelines that cover most interactions . Growing up with Asperger Syndrome , this strategy helped me .
Here ’ s my own short list of rules :
1 Succeed socially with your strengths .
Again , our greatest weakness is in social interaction . But we also have great strengths , and you can succeed more easily by using your unique skills than your weaknesses . If you do something well and become successful at it , that ’ s what people will see – they won ’ t care that you struggle socially .
“ And when my prayers to God were met with indifference , I picked up a pen , I wrote my own deliverance !”
2 Learn social skills by observation .
- Lin-Manuel Miranda , Hamilton
When you ’ re among other people , pay attention to what they do and say . You ’ ll naturally learn the nuances of interaction .
3 Before you speak , remember the three transcendentals : beauty , goodness , and truth .
In classical philosophy , the transcendentals were the qualities of being . Before you speak , be sure that what you want to say is beautiful ( nice ), good ( necessary ), and true .
4 Stay clean and tidy .
One of the first things people notice about you is your personal hygiene . Shower ( and use soap ) every day , brush and floss your teeth after breakfast and dinner , and clip your nails and wash your hair and clothes once a week .
5 When you begin to feel upset , calm down .
Notice the specific physical sensations that arise when you feel upset . When you recognize these feelings , take deep abdominal breaths or , if possible , remove yourself from the situation until you feel calm .
If any other social rule helps you , feel free to add it to the list . Or make your own short list !
Jamila Nasir graduated from college in December 2016 with a major in English and a minor in Spanish . She enjoys music and cooking .
ZOOM Autism through Many Lenses 17