Zest Lit Issue 2, October 2013 - Page 70

My Short Time at Dr. Ackerman’s School for Life Coaches |

Andy Millman

Day 1: I am so psyched. Beauty school wasn’t right for me (kind of like that all-juice-diet, moving to Boulder with Chad, and getting the Chad tattoo on my ankle.) This feels right. I was born to be a life coach.

Day 5: Dr. Ackerman – he’s not that kind of doctor – told us that this course changes lives. He also said our first tuition payment is due next week.

Day 7: My dad told me he’s unhappy paying for life coach school. He said it’s not even a ‘real’ school, which I won’t repeat to Dr. Ackerman. I think my dad has issues. Maybe Dr. Ackerman can help him.

Day 8: There are four other people in my class – three girls and a guy. I think the guy’s gay. Oh well.

Day 9: Dr. Ackerman said that the difference between going to a regular therapist and going to a life coach is like the difference between eating an egg roll and eating at a Chinese Buffet. The last time I went to a Chinese Buffet I had Kung Pao poo for a week.

Day 12: My friend Lisa called. She found a condom in her boyfriend’s garbage can. When she asked him about it, he told her condoms protect his dog’s paws from the snow. Lisa’s pretty smart so she said, ‘Oh yeah, then why aren’t there four in there?’ He told her that only one gets cold.

Day 14: Dr. Ackerman told us to bring $25 to class tomorrow so we can get a copy of his book. He said it’s almost published. It looked like a bunch of sheets inside a manila envelope.