Zest Lit Issue 2, October 2013 - Page 196

Unlikely Accidents | Marian Brooks

When Louis Ahern opened his eyes, he was lying on the bottom of his swimming pool, fully dressed. He had a large bump on the back of his head and no memory of how it got there. The pool was empty. This is not your typical hangover. Louis wondered if he had inherited a gene for attracting unlikely accidents, passed on to him from his father who had been accidentally electrocuted at a construction site ten years earlier.

Louis struggled to get up, reaching for the ladder at the deep end. He noticed a pair of boots attached to a pair of legs, Mandy’s legs. She was simply sitting at the edge of the pool chewing a carrot stick, as if this kind of thing happened every day. Mandy’s real name was Candy but she preferred the former. Classier, she thought.

‘What’re you doin’ Lou?’

‘Trying to figure that out. How long have you been sitting there?’

‘Just got here a few minutes ago, checked out the fridge, found some carrots and looked for you. You have a lot of crap in there, Lou. The celery’s turning brown and the tomatoes have white shit all over them.’

Lou climbed the ladder and shook his head trying to make sense of it all. He thought he must have a concussion judging by the size of the lump and this thunderclap of a headache.

‘I’m going in to take a cold shower. Maybe that’ll spark a memory or two. Do you have any of those pain killers?’

‘Speaking of memory, Lou, they forgot to give you one. Today’s my birthday. I don’t suppose my present got sucked into that drain.’