103
Doesn ’ t Anybody ?
You look so tired , they said , so soft . My hands and my arms have started shaking , the tremors in my calves have spread like a virus in an elementary school classroom . Children in my bones making it impossible to sleep , impossible for my muscles to relax , be still , quiet down . You look so tired , they said . I am tired , so tired that I can ’ t even pretend to care about crying in public ; it takes more energy to hold in tears than to let them flow . If I were a spiderweb I would be stronger than I am now . You look at me as if deciding how to best discard a jagged piece of glass . I am glass ; glassy-eyes , transparent , hard , cold , a barrier , a beautiful window in an abandoned church where nobody comes to worship . Dried wax on the altar . The smell of ancient incense in the walls , in the carpet . Grooves worn in the pew where your knees would fit so perfectly , if you ever came back to me . Doesn ’ t anybody see ? I am a sacred building , I am haunted , I am full . Doesn ’ t anybody see me ? I am a hallowed sanctuary for myself and other neglected things . I am full . I am full . I am full . I am wrapping my fingers in string , over and over like a prayer . Doesn ’ t anybody see each other anymore ? Candles left unlit at vigils , hallways empty and echoing , spirits trapped and bound in marble doesn ’ t anybody see ? My shaking limbs , my holy body , I am full . Doesn ’ t anybody see each other anymore ?
Piper Toohey Olsen
103
English