Writers Tricks of the Trade Volume 6 Issue 2 | Page 18

LET’S TALK ABOUT THE USE OF
THE EYES IN FICTION
AUTHOR, EDITOR CINDY DAVIS

Author, Editor
Cindy Davis

It’s one of my pet peeves—having the characters always LOOKING (which
includes gazing, staring, noticing, seeing, eyeing, ogling, etc, etc.) at things.

WHY YOU DON’T NEED TO SAY IT
Okay, let’s imagine you’re writing a scene. Jane’s the point of view character.
Doesn’t matter what she’s doing or where she is; the entire scene is done through
her viewpoint—through Jane’s senses. It’s ALL what Jane sees, hears, tastes, etc. It’s
as if you’re in her body, experiencing life through her brain, emotions, senses.
Therefore, there’s rarely a need to TELL us she’s looking at something. All you
need to do is SHOW what she’s seeing. Let’s say you’re in the bathroom in front of
the mirror brushing your hair. You’re hardly likely to say you combed your dark
brown hair and brushed your straight white teeth. Well, when you’re embedded in
Jane’s character, she isn’t likely to do that either. She’s more likely to let us know
“she pulled the brush through hair that was two weeks past a trip to Lady Clairol,
and plucked yet another damn chin hair.” See how this not only doesn’t mention any
looking, but we see her, and also get a taste of her personality? This is what’s known
in part, as deep point of view. It’s where we get a sense of what’s going on inside
that character.
By TELLING us she’s looking, you’re skirting the surface of her personality. Let’s
use a few examples to show how NOT to have the character LOOK and at the same
time give a taste of her as a person.
Example: Jane noticed the slight flush on his neck and chest, and was thrilled she
made him nervous.
Fixed: A slight flush crept across his neck and chest. Woo wee! She made him
nervous. What was it—the low-cut red dress or sensual tone she’d used?
Example: Jane looked up and caught Leo’s amused grin as he placed her wine on
the table.
Fixed: Leo shot Jane an amused grin as he placed her wine on the table. She
wondered what was so funny. Was it the low-cut red dress or sensual tone she’d
used?
Example: Jane saw a scowling Glenn working his way through the growing
crowd—headed in her direction.
Fixed: Glenn worked his way through the growing crowd. His scowl foretold of
dire trouble for Jane. Big deal. She’d worn the low-cut red dress when he said
not to.

MARCH - APRIL 2016

PAGE 8

WRITERS’ TRICKS OF THE TRADE