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Your Value is
Immeasurable
All the Same
— by Kimberly Blaker
A
s moms, we all know Al-
bom’s statement is un-
equivocally true. We feel it
through and through from the moment
our children are born until we take our
last dying breath. Our love for and devo-
tion to our kids shines through in daily
selfless acts of caring for and raising our
kids and in most of our interactions with
them. Even after they’ve grown, our
deep love and concern for them endures.
We don’t always recognize or give
ourselves credit for it (and to our frus-
tration and regret, our kids don’t always
either), but even many of the mistakes
we make along the way are the result
of loving, honorable intentions. Admit-
tedly, we do also sometimes falter de-
spite our love for our children. After all,
we’re only human. But when we do err
with our kids, particularly in ways we
know better, we’re often our own harsh-
est critics.
The thing is, despite the depth of
our love for our kids and the plethora of
child guidance material at our fingertips,
the answers to raising kids aren’t always
so black and white. Add to that, every
mom has her own unique combination
of childhood and life experiences, tem-
perament, and personality, among other
factors that affect her decisions and be-
haviors in parenting. Even the unique
characteristics of each of our own chil-
dren play a role in this dynamic.
8 WNY Family May 2019
“I realized when you look
at your mother, you are
looking at the purest
love you will ever know.”
— Mitch Albom
Basically, all moms have strengths
and weaknesses. In most ways, we to-
tally rock at being a mom. In some ar-
eas, we have to work a little harder. And,
for most of us, there’s probably an area
or two where we may downright stink,
harsh as it may sound. Inevitably, it’s
the areas where we don’t excel that we
often use to compare ourselves to other
moms we perceive to be perfect. Then
we browbeat ourselves.
All this makes me think back to be-
ing a kid and playing house and with
dolls. In roleplaying a mom, kids mimic
to their dolls (or siblings and friends
who are playing the part of their chil-
dren), what they experience and witness
at home with their own moms. We’ve
likely seen our own children do the
same. From this, we can glimpse how
we as kids began to formulate ideas on
how to be a mom, or dad. We’ve proba-
bly all watched our own children in awe
over what tender, loving little moms (or
dads) they are to their baby dolls. It’s
inspiring and tells you what a great job
you’ve done. But then, the completely
unexpected happens. Your child slips in
one of your less than proud moments of
being a mom. Ouch!
As we all grow, we develop more
independent ideas on the best ways to
mother our children, based on our
own experiences, what we’ve
seen in other families or on
television, and our personal-
ities. So we formulate what
the perfect mom looks like.
My mom, for exam-
ple, played a big role in the
formation of my own mom
style. When my sisters
and I were young, she was
very involved and provided
us plenty of enrichment and
fun. We did crafts, played games,
had parties and sleepovers, took trips
to the library, went for walks and bike
rides, and so much more. My mom was
also a Camp Fire Girls leader for my
younger sisters, and I got to be her big
helper. My mom cooked, baked, and
kept a clean home. She also taught me
about money, responsibility, generosity,
kindness, and so many other valuable
lessons, skills, and traits.
Still, like any other mom, she was
imperfect. I knew the ways I wanted to
be different, or better.
So when my kids were born, I let
these lessons guide me in parenting my
own kids. Throughout their childhood, I
strove to be the best mom I could be. In
fact, I was a perfectionist. But despite
all this, I still fell far short of being a
perfect mom. So over the years, I did
my fair share of berating myself, even
after my kids had grown.
That’s especially easy to do when
we watch other moms, who from the
outside, seem so perfect at “mom-ing.”
Add to that, because of our deep love for
our kids, it’s painful when we fail them.
Thankfully, now that my kids are
grown, my mom has set me straight.
She often points out what a great mom
I’ve been. She’s always amazed by my
patience with my kids (though admit-
tedly, there were times it ran thin, and
still does). But as I mentioned, moms
are particularly good at noticing in oth-
ers the areas where they lack.
This makes me think about what I
notice in my own daughter who’s now