I
guess I saw signs.
Mom was living
alone and I noticed
she burned her coffee pot. One
day I saw that the entries in the
checkbook were askew and
made no sense. Soon Mom
stopped driving because she
couldn’t recognize her bank.
But once I realized that
I could “Ask Alexa” to play
anything, I began to feel like
Samantha in Bewitched. Sud-
denly we could listen to Broad-
way scores, 40’s and 50’s hits,
music from my grandparents’
native Spain. I could swear
before this she hated Frank
Sinatra, but maybe because he
was always on the radio when
she was younger, she was now
soothed by his every croon.
But it really all changed
two years ago after my father,
who had also been diagnosed
with dementia and been in
a nursing home for several
years, died. Just two weeks af-
ter the service, my only broth-
er took Mom to spend Thanks-
giving in Pittsburgh. On the
way home she declared: “I
don’t want to live alone any-
more; take me to Susie’s”.
And that was it. Mom has
been sleeping in my Tempur-
Pedic bed for the last two years
while I have been relegated to
the tiny guest bedroom com-
plete with a sleep-deprivation-
inducing twin bed.
Burdens & Blessings
A Personal Perspective
— by Susan Lojacono
It was quite an adjustment. I never
married or had children. The only being
I ever took care of was my little dog.
Hardest for me was making meals. Of-
ten Mom didn’t like them, and I was
never a great cook anyway.
Eventually, I got so frustrated I
made an appointment at the Alzheim-
er’s Association. They were wonderful.
They linked me to all kinds of servic-
es. We even qualified for a small grant
through Erie County Senior Services
and Western New York Independent
Living to help us with paying her com-
panion.
Previously we tried a meal delivery
service when my mother was living by
herself. She hated the meals. Once she
was living with me, I was able to doctor
them up with salt, pepper, and butter.
The variety really helped me more than
Mom because dementia patients don’t
remember what they’ve had from meal
to meal. My advice is to try everything.
42 WNY Family March 2019
Eventually, she wouldn’t eat any of
those, so I had to make do with omelets,
other soft foods and lots of ice cream.
And technology really came to the
rescue. The best purchase I made last
year was an Echo Dot (you know, “Al-
exa”). We had played Mom’s CD’s so
many times that they began to skip. I
purchased a few online and borrowed
some from the library.
Fast forward to where we
are today. Mom just turned
92 and is down to 80 pounds.
She barely eats breakfast and
lunch. She sleeps at least 19
hours per day. That means she
generally gets up at 11:00 am
and goes back to sleep at 4:30
pm. While she can still walk
to the bathroom on her own,
her confusion leads her there
hourly thinking she has to go.
Initially, we went for car
rides and had a substantial
meal together. Last Christmas she was
even strong and game enough to fly to
Florida. This past holiday I sat by my-
self while she slept through most of it.
I made fondue and gave us both gifts,
and she tried, but I see the end coming.
The godsend in all of this is that
we lucked out with Mom’s companion.
It became clear after only a month of
Mom living with me, that she couldn’t
be alone. I had a full-time job and
even coming home at lunchtime wasn’t
enough. So I reached out to Assisting
Angels, a company I learned about
years ago when I met the owner, and
they did send an angel.
From the moment Cece and Mom
met, they became girlfriends. These
days, Cece just comes for afternoons, to
relieve and allow me to grocery shop,
do errands, go to a movie or lunch. They
chat about their families, Cece makes
sure Mom gets Ensure to keep up her
strength, and they listen to Frank. I must
say I’m a little jealous because I come
home and Mom is all perky and happy.