young children — and her mom also
came to live with them. 2017, and she passed away in October of
the same year.
“We were four generations liv-
ing under one roof,” Barbara says. “It
wouldn’t work for everyone, but it
worked for us.” Kaczmarek was thankful that her en-
tire family was on board, but she knows
that isn’t often the case. “I was lucky. If
I needed to go out, my family would stay
with mom. Sometimes I would just go
out to do an Arbonne delivery and sit in
my car for a little while.”
Despite having other family mem-
bers right in the house to rely on for help
when it was needed, Kaczmarek says
that it was a hard season of life.
“It’s 24/7,” she said. “I was ex-
hausted. It’s tiring, it’s scary, it’s lonely
— it’s all of those things together, and
you get very disconnected from your
friends.”
When asked what she did to combat
the stress and take care of herself, Kacz-
marek admits there are no easy answers.
“There is almost this guilt about going
out, and then while I was gone I was
constantly wondering if everything was
okay. There is no way out of the guilt —
you have this free time, but then you feel
guilty using it.”
For her, the role of 24/7 caregiver
lasted six months — she had brought her
mom home to live with them in April of
She also says that her faith really
helped her. “You spend a lot of time sitting
around,” she said, “So I would use that
time to pray, or read, or watch a church
service online to keep my spirits up.”
In retrospect, Kaczmarek realizes
that she did the best she could do. “You
don’t know what you’re doing until you
do it,” she said, “Every day is a learning
process. You have to recognize that the
guilt is normal, but that it’s okay. And,
that it’s okay to go out. There were mo-
ments I said things I wish I wouldn’t
have, and there were times my mom did,
too. It’s not going to be perfect because
none of us are perfect.”
Tips for Caregivers
ing we hope that you’ll find ways to give
yourself grace and a little bit of space
(without guilt!) to do something you
like to do. We’ve compiled 7 Sugges-
tions for Self-Care for the Caregiver
to help get you thinking about how you
can take care of yourself while continu-
ing to meet the needs of your loved one.
1) Eat Well
Many caregivers are so busy making
meals for their loved one that they tend
to neglect their own nutritional needs by
skipping meals, or just “grabbing some-
thing” on the go. In order to keep your-
self healthy for the long haul it’s impor-
tant to prioritize your own meals as well.
This might mean spending extra money
on healthy prepared foods, but it’s an in-
vestment that is worth it.
2) Get Enough Sleep
While the reasons for lack of sleep
during this season are numerous (admin-
istering medications, trying to catch up
on other responsibilities, a loved one
who lives with you and is waking fre-
quently), your sleep is essential to your
If you are in a season of care giv-
continued on page 44
T he C lariTy G roup
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5334 Transit Rd.
Depew, NY 14043
(716) 393-3437
www.claritygroupny.com
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March 2019 WNY Family 41