rollator to help him walk — and it sat in
a corner of the living room for 6 months
until he finally gave in and used it. was my strong-willed mother who found
it terribly difficult to accept the reality of
her situation.
I learned that it is very difficult for
someone to give up their sense of control
over their own life and lose any portion
of their independence. But, there comes
a point where common sense and a need
to make sure your loved one is safe take
precedence. Needless to say, these were not fun
years. You may not ever find yourself in
this position — hopefully, your parents
will be active and relatively healthy to a
ripe, old age, only to die suddenly and un-
expectedly, but peacefully, in their sleep.
While that’s a shock to loved ones, in my
opinion, it’s a blessing to all, including
the departed who did not have to suffer
years of illness and indignities.
At one point, when I felt my father
was suffering needlessly and should be
entitled to more services than he was
getting, I consulted a professional geriat-
ric care manager. After interviewing me
about the specifics of my parents’ situ-
ation, the care manager was able to tell
me that my father should be entitled to a
number of things, paid by Medicare —
a hospital bed at home, a wheelchair, a
walker, visiting nurses to come in each
day to monitor his condition, the services
of an aide weekday mornings to help him
get out of bed and ready for the day, visits
by a phlebotomist to draw blood at home
rather than having to go out to a lab, and
in-home services by physical and occupa-
tional therapists.
Why hadn’t he been getting these
services already? The key, I learned
through the education I received from the
care manager, was switching to a new,
better-informed primary physician. All
of the above was accomplished in a very
short period of time with the aid of the
new physician and his larger, helpful sup-
port staff versus my parents’ long-time,
older sole practitioner.
After my father passed away and my
mother’s health began to decline, we had
a second “go round” with eldercare issues.
My father had been a “good patient.” He
actually looked forward to his aide com-
ing every day, and she developed a warm
relationship with him. My mother, on the
other hand, was a “hard case.”
There were days at work when I
would receive a long distance phone call
from the home health care agency saying
that my mother had purposely locked the
aide out of the house and was screaming at
her to go away; or my mother would call
and tell me to fire the home health care
agency because the aide had scratched her
bedroom furniture when she vacuumed.
This was not someone with dementia; it
I believe that knowledge is power,
and the realm of eldercare is no different.
If you suspect that one or both of your par-
ents is beginning to decline in any way,
don’t be complacent. Have a discussion
with your parents about whether they have
made any plans about how they will pro-
vide for themselves as they age. This can
understandably be a very touchy subject.
Few of us like to face our own mortality
and certainly don’t want to give up any of
our independence. Available finances are
also an important part of this discussion.
I remember the words, but not the name,
of an eldercare expert who said, “Hope for
the best, but plan for the worst.”
Gather your siblings, if you have
them, and begin to work together to
formulate alternatives for the help your
parent(s) may need. If you wait for a crisis
to occur — such as a fall causing broken
bones — your options will be much more
limited when they may need to be chosen
under pressure.
The additional articles in this special
section will address many other areas of
concern that can arise as your parents age.
By educating yourself, or perhaps sharing
this copy of WNY Family with your par-
ents, you can get a head start on helping
them age well and happily! You may also
gain some important insights into how
you, yourself, can plan ahead for your
own later years.
Michele Miller is the founder, editor, and
publisher of WNY Family. Her own chil-
dren are now 36 and 39, and she is the
grandmother of two. After 35 years of
publishing WNY Family, she’s had to face
reality and admit that she is among the
“Young Old” category of senior citizens!!
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March 2019 WNY Family 27