Or at least some sort of auto-mute op-
tion? C’mon, there’s got to be a way!
Maybe parents can unite and sign a pe-
tition to end the horror that lives in a
pineapple under the sea. While we’re at
it, let’s get rid of Caillou too. (I wonder
if that kid can spell his own name. No
wonder he whines so much.)
8
Real-
Life
Mom
7.
Resolutions
— by LJ Kunkel
New Year, New You!
I
see this everywhere, and I can’t
help but roll my eyes a little.
Don’t get me wrong — I’m all
for motivation and self-improvement.
Kudos to those pursuing new awesome-
ness this year!
But I’m a mother of three young-
sters. At this point in my life, I’m just
trying to keep my head above water and
not go completely crazy. Considering 92
percent of resolutions fail, I’m keeping
it real this year with more modest goals.
1.
Get up earlier.
Start the day with an hour
of yoga! (Fast forward to alarm buzzing
at ungodly hour…) Nope, nope, nope.
Sleep wins.
But maybe let’s try 10 minutes ear-
lier — just enough time to consume my
coffee so I don’t bite everyone’s head off
the moment I hear them bounding down
the stairs.
2. Prep ahead.
Kids’ backpacks and
lunches pre-packed, clothes laid out the
night before, a to-do list for the next day,
structured daily schedule for the little
ones, and dinners planned out for the
week.
Bahaha! Just kidding. The only
thing I’ll be prepping is my solid expec-
tation for morning madness.
8 WNY Family January 2019
3. Eat healthier.
I’d really like to get more
superfoods into my diet. Bring on the
kale, broccoli, avocado, magic spices,
those chia things that get stuck in your
teeth and — wait — chocolate is a super-
food, right? Good. Let’s go with that one.
4. Work out more.
Why am I always apologizing?
WHY?! It’s usually not even remotely
my fault. Sorry my house is so messy.
Sorry I’m not more organized. Sorry I
spent five extra minutes hiding in the
bathroom after my shower. Sorry my kid
is crying in the middle of the store. Sorry
I didn’t make your favorite meal tonight.
Sorry we can’t invite your entire freak-
ing class to your birthday party. Sorry
you got sick because you keep putting
things in your mouth even though you
know that’s how germs get in.
Enough of that! We really need to
come up with a replacement phrase for
this. How about, “Well, that’s life. Deal
with it.”
8.
By “more” I mean putting
the chocolate in the basement so I have
to take the stairs to get to it.
Okay, I really should take this one
seriously, considering the many proven
benefits of exercise could really change
my life for the better. But, hey, baby
steps, right?
5.
Actually fold
and put away
the laundry.
At least one basketful before the next
mountain of mess. Eh, who am I kidding?
It’s never going to end anyway and I’ll
never know what completion satisfaction
feels like. Let’s just accept the laundry as
the perpetual pile of doom it is.
6.
Find a way to
ban SpongeBob
SquarePants
Is there a way to selectively black
out a channel during this sinister show?
Stop apologizing
all the time.
Stop doing
everything for
everybody.
Really gotta stop doing for them
what they can do for themselves.
First grader: You are fully capable
of putting away all the toys and art and
junk in your room and finding something
non-destructive to do when you’re bored.
Toddler: You can pull your own
pants down to go potty. (I know you can
since you seem to have no problem doing
it when you want to run around naked.)
Baby: Well, your job is to drool and
poop. You’re pretty much the boss right
now. Enjoy it while you can!
Lofty goals, I know. Time to tackle
‘em!
LJ is a fitness trainer and coffee addict
who spends most of her time chasing 3
boys and 20 mini dinosaurs (er, chick-
ens). See more from her at fitmixmom.
com. This article was originally pub-
lished on parent.com.