— by Kathryn Streeter
saying it, she was begging to be sur-
prised, which put no small amount of
pressure on the parents. In this case,
we lucked out and struck the right tone,
starting the evening off with giving her
a dress she’d pointed out at her favorite
store and then, all dressed to the gills,
we headed to a fancy restaurant. She
felt like such a young lady in her new
dress, showing up at a restaurant where
reservations were made in her name.
Pair your teen’s interest
with an event
Striking The Right Tone
for Teen Birthdays
M
ost parents would agree
that birthdays are a fairly
easy win when the kids
are young. Not without great effort and
frenzied busyness, for sure, but more
straightforward. Star Wars? Avengers?
Minions? Trolls? Piñata? Done! What-
ever the theme requested to anchor the
party, it was probably doable, right? But
once the tween/teen years hit, things
turn a corner and you may find yourself
pining for the good ole days of predict-
able, even dare I say, cookie-cutter-type
parties which previously wowed your
kids when they were little.
As mine sprouted from kid to teen,
I realized the party was just going to
have to change to simple but signifi-
cant, something requiring grave circum-
spection. In short, my teens wanted to
be recognized as young adults; to shed
all childish fanfare. I’d wager that yours
will probably feel somewhat the same.
Here are a few things I learned in feting
my teenagers over the years, which may
help you strike the right tone each and
every birthday:
Insist on your teen
making a gift list
It may sound babyish but it saves
lots of heartache and disappoint-
ment. After a recent birthday, my teen
lamented that he guessed that lists were
still a good idea. His comment reflected
what we perceived: we thought we
were hitting it out of the park in the gift
department, but oh no, we failed.
If your teen refuses to make a list,
go easy on yourselves and opt for store
credit. Or cash. There, I said it. Cash
is always going to be fine with your
teen. And when grandparents are eager
to shower their affection, help them by
advising against buying clothing for
your teen. It rarely works, if ever.
Don’t tell everything
Hold back the details. Build the
suspense. Our daughter wanted a “fam-
ily dinner” for her 15th and left all the
planning and plotting to us. Without
What is the one thing your teen
loves to do more than anything else?
Maybe it’s an intense interest/hobby
they have? Think creatively about how
you can celebrate this interest. Does
your teen love soccer? Take her to a
professional game. Does your teen love
to cook? Buy cooking classes. Perhaps
your teen is an aspiring writer? Or
computer programmer? With a little
digging around, you’ll probably find
workshops and lectures in your area.
Think the unthinkable
Keep in mind that your teen’s
greatest wish for their birthday may
be to get away, far away from you to
visit their BFF who moved away. Gulp.
Don’t take it personally! If it’s at all
possible, arrange well in advance for a
surprise weekend trip, searching long
and hard for plane or train tickets. But
when it’s not, bring those missed into
the room by suddenly pulling up a pre-
arranged FaceTime party meet-up.
Trust me, the Happy Birthday song
will sound so much better with a crowd
of voices bellowing out of your com-
puter to join whoever is in the room.
Kathryn Streeter is a Washington, DC
freelance writer whose work has ap-
peared in publications including The
Washington Post, The Week, Paste
Magazine and Austin American-States-
man. Find her on Twitter, @streeter-
kathryn.
January 2019 WNY Family 27