be surprised to see the negative behavior subside . As much as kids scream about the boundaries , they really need them in order to navigate the world safely and securely . Without them , the freedom is so overwhelming that they may act up simply to regain them . As paradoxical as that sounds , it is the essence of youth .
3 ) Don ’ t always assume divorce or family break-up nets negative behavior . No one ever says , “ Wow , my child ’ s grades have really improved lately . I wonder if that ’ s because we got a divorce !” It is possible that the conflict in the house when the family was together was so great that the break-up actually relieved the tension . This could be a positive situation for your children . That is not to say that divorce is a positive event , but don ’ t discount the possibility that kids thrive in a loving home and it may take a break-up in order for both parents to be truly available to their children in a loving way . This should not be a point of guilt , but one in which we accept the reality that we do not always make the best partner choices and that separate can sometimes be better than together when it comes to the health of our children .
4 ) Take a practical approach to counseling resistance . After assessing the situation , you may feel your child needs to talk to a professional , but he or she may resist that option . Teens are the group who most often resist therapeutic intervention . If so , tell them you will trust them for a while to deal with their emotions appropriately , but if they cannot , then you have the right as a parent to force the counseling .
A child who is not experiencing emotional distress should be able to manage ( 1 ) behavior ; ( 2 ) emotional regulation ; ( 3 ) normal academic performance ; and ( 4 ) social relationships . Challenge them to manage all four of these areas , and if they do to your satisfaction , then maybe they are right and they do not need any outside intervention .
Kids don ’ t often realize they need help until when challenged to deal with life normally , they may struggle . Let them know there is no shame in that , but that as a parent , your job is to take care of both their physical and emotional needs .
If you have taken these steps and feel in your heart that your child needs more , by all means seek the help of a professional counselor . You might try family therapy if the behavior seems to be in direct correlation to a family event .
Contact your health insurance provider and find out what may be covered under their mental health component , and find out which local counselors accept your coverage . You may also access professional web sites to locate counselors in your area . Two suggestions are www . aamft . org ( American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy ) or www . apa . org ( American Psychological Association ).
Diane C . Dierks is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Atlanta , Georgia . She is also author of “ The Co-Parent Toolbox ” ( 2014 Aha ! Publishing ) and “ Solo Parenting : Raising Strong & Happy Families ” ( 1997 Fairview Press ). For more information visit her website is www . dianedierks . com .
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Top Saving-for-College Trends
( StatePoint ) Parents are socking away more money for their children ’ s higher education , and they are doing so in smarter ways , suggests a new report from Sallie Mae .
One-third of parents saved more for college this year than last , and the average amount saved -- $ 18,135 -- is the highest amount reported in the last five years of “ How America Saves for College ,” a national study by Sallie Mae and Ipsos .
After saving for general needs and emergencies , parents earmark funds for college more than for any other specific purpose , alongside retirement . So , how are they doing it ?
To keep their college savings on track , 61 percent of parents contribute a set amount to their college fund on a regular basis . To find more money for college , 30 percent of parents have cut back on discretionary spending , and 27 percent have reduced their household expenses . This year marks the first time that tax-advantaged 529 college savings plans hold the largest share of college savings , at 30 percent .
“ Most parents aspire to give their children the opportunity to attend college , and it is encouraging to see them saving more , employing smart habits and taking deliberate actions to make college a reality ,” says Raymond J . Quinlan , chairman and CEO , Sallie Mae . “ Our research shows most parents are proactively preparing financially to give their children the advantages of higher education , and having a plan pays off .”
Parents who have planned how they ’ ll pay for college have saved more than twice as much as those without a plan ($ 22,169 vs . $ 9,208 ). They are also three times more likely to be confident they ’ ll be able to meet the cost of college ( 73 percent vs . 27 percent ).
To make your college savings plan , Sallie Mae recommends a 1-2-3 approach : first , open a savings account ; second , set a goal and make deposits regularly ; and third , explore taxadvantaged options such as 529 college savings plans .
To access the full report , as well as other resources and information about saving for college , visit SallieMae . com / How- AmericaSaves . To join the conversation on social media , use # HowAmericaSaves .
Experts say that a dedicated commitment to funding their children ’ s education , along with a clear strategy for doing so , can help parents reach their college savings goals .
August 2018 WNY Family 49