Daughter
&
d
a
D
Dcuns
“
D
addy! Bug!”
Jessie often
yells these
words. Part of my job de-
scription as dad includes
keeping a bug-free home.
Although Jessie wants
every bug removed, she
is unwilling to execute
the task herself, even for
the tiniest bugs. When
Jessie calls, Dad comes
running with a tissue,
paper towel, or sneaker.
The task seems simple
enough, but then comes
Jessie’s next statement.
by Patrick and J.L. Hempfing
Spare
the Bug
“Dad, don’t kill it!”
That’s right, I’m
supposed to gently transport the tres-
passing bug out of the house and set
it free in the great outdoors. In most
cases, I’m quick enough to capture and
remove the insect so Jessie can move
on with her activities uninterrupted.
Unfortunately for the bug, unless it’s
a ladybug or a lightning bug, trespass-
ers are prosecuted to the fullest extent.
Ants, mosquitos, gnats, moths, flies,
cockroaches, and other unidentifiable
critters are squeezed with a tissue or pa-
per towel, swatted with a flyswatter, or
smashed with the bottom of my sneak-
er. Before I go any further, let’s bring in
Jessie with her thoughts.
Jessie, Age 12
This column is about bugs. I feel
that you should save the slimy crea-
tures when you can, because if a giant
was trying to step on you, you wouldn’t
like it. They have a life just like you do,
26 WNY Family April 2019
and you shouldn’t take it
away. They have friends,
a family, and a spouse,
just like you. You don’t
have to kill them to get
them out of your house.
A good tip is to take
a cup and place it over
the creepy crawler. Then
slide a sheet of paper
under the cup. Take the
whole thing outside and
release the bug. Now that
is a good way to get a bug
out of the house without
killing it. Let’s get back
to Dad.
I’m thankful Jessie has a compas-
sionate heart. She’s right. I certainly
wouldn’t want a giant to chase after me
and squeeze me between his fingers or
squash me with his big shoe. I’d like
to think that at 6’5”, I’m a kind, com-
passionate “giant,” however, bugs can
spread disease or leave itchy bite marks.
They must go, never to return.
As defender of our house, I view
my duty as protector of the family, so
my wife, daughter, dog, and I can sleep
and not get bitten, crawled on, and
whatever else bugs do. Don’t you hate
it when a mosquito zooms into your ear
and makes that miserable buzzing noise
while you’re trying to sleep?
Many years ago, shortly after we
moved to Florida, a bug nearly caused
me to wreck. My wife, Mattie, and I
were driving down the road soaking up
the Gainesville sunshine when some-
thing flew through the open window.
I glanced down and there, sitting on
the seat between Mattie and me, was
the biggest cockroach I had ever seen.
In the South, they’re called “Palmetto
bugs” and they are humongous. As
calmly as I could, I pulled over to the
shoulder and we were able to shoo the
bug out of the vehicle.
The way I see it, a “giant” can’t
please everyone. When you live in the
South, no matter how many times you
spray or clean the house, a cockroach
will occasionally trespass. If Mattie
sees it before Jessie, I’ll hear, “Pat!
Cockroach, come quick!”
I’ll come running with paper towel
in hand or sneaker on foot to address
the problem. So, I view myself as a
protector of my family, not a destroyer
of bugs’ families, a position that disap-
points my daughter.
Though I applaud Jessie’s compas-
sionate spirit, I don’t see myself running
after bugs with a cup and sheet of paper.
Okay, to be honest, I have done this a
few times. Dads want to look good in
front of their children.
But whether I’m chasing a bug
with a tissue, paper towel, or sneaker,
or Jessie has a cup and sheet of paper
in her hands, one thing is certain ’tween
daughter and dad, I love my girl and my
girl loves me.
Until next month, remember to
cherish the moments.
Patrick Hempfing had a 20-year pro-
fessional career in banking, account-
ing, and auditing before he became a
father at age 44. He is now a full-time
husband, stay-at-home dad, and writer.
Follow Patrick at http://patrickhempf-
ing.com. J. L. Hempfing, now 14, be-
gan writing with her dad in kindergar-
ten. Her current hobbies include read-
ing, writing, playing clarinet and alto
saxophone, and dancing. If you enjoyed
this column, you’ll like Patrick’s first
book, “MoMENts: A Dad Holds On.”
The book compiles favorite stories and
new material and is available for sale
on Amazon.