Ethel and Earl
Ten Worst Gifts to Buy a Woman !
1 . Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make " housework " easier . For instance , a blender , a toaster , a new vacuum , one of those mops they advertise on tv that does everything but suck the life out of you . 2 . Any bulk cleaning supplies , " honey , I got you that large box of Tide you have been wanting ." " This Windex should last you a while ." I have faith that if you would have at least stopped and thought about what would be a much more intimate gift , you would have had the sense to spring for the $ 5 Chia Pet you were eyeing . 3 . Any sharp objects made by Ronco which slices or dices , or a set of ginsu knives . These may one day be used as a weapon against you . 4 . Do not buy gifts for yourself and pretend they are for her . " Honey , I ' m sure you ' ll get a lot of use out of the new drill I bought you ." By then she will have put it to good use by drilling a quarter inch hole into the side of your skull for even thinking such a thing . 5 . Any lingerie made of flannel , like a pair of feet pajamas with a trap door in back . A Little Mermaid cartoon character nightgown . It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the beautiful woman that she is . 6 . No name perfume which costs you $ 1.99 , such as Eu de Toilet , which actually smells like a public bathroom . If you are buying perfume , get the good stuff .
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7 . Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network . It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it . 8 . Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman ' s clothing . Well , perhaps you might if you are a transvestite , but all in all , believe me , she ' ll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath , " were the heck would I ever wear this outfit without being drunk ”. 9 . Do not give her a gift certificate to Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers . Most men would know better , especially the ones who have learned the correct response to " do these pants make me look fat ." If you are one of the poor souls who oesn ' t get it , be prepared for the silent treatment . 10 . Last but not least , never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream , or a book on " How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday ." These are not considered gifts , they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law .
Ethel and Earl