Windows Magazine SY 18-19 Windows Magazine SY 18-19 | Page 2

Help yourself! 8 tips for
teaching kids to be more
independent
Do you do too much for your kids? It’s
time to flip the script.
BY JACKIE GILLARD | SEP 29, 2016
Here are eight tips for teaching kids to be
more independent:
1. Give notice
Get your child on board by encouraging
her to help “you” change. When Williams
realized she was doing way more for her
son than was necessary, she told him, “I’m
sorry. I’ve been treating you like a little kid
when you are ready to do some big-kid
jobs!” She warns against using phrases
like “You’re not a baby anymore”; baby
can be a sensitive word in this age group.
2. Identify opportunities
Make a list of things she could be doing
herself. Mine had 13 tasks, including
brushing her teeth (gah!). Ask her which
duties she feels she’s big enough to take
on—it’s likely to increase her willingness
to try.
3. Target priorities
Tackle one item at a time, so you don’t
overwhelm her.
4. Make time
If it takes her 10 minutes to brush her own
hair, start your morning 10 minutes earlier
(and put down the brush!). When she’s not
being micromanaged, she may surprise
you with her co-operation, and you’ll be a
calmer influence when you’re not racing
against the clock.
5. Negotiate compromise
If she digs in her heels, compromise and
inject some fun. For a few days, I took
shirt duty, and she did the bottoms. I said
that her tree branches (arms) needed their
leaves (her shirt) and that she did a great
job—and would also be awesome at
putting on her own shirt.
6. Forget perfection
Accept that she won’t do the task as well
as you. If the milk spills, show her how to
clean it up without criticism and assure her
it happens to everyone.
7. Praise something
Instead of pointing out that her shoes are
on the wrong feet, say, “You put on your
own shoes! Good job!” She’ll discover the
discomfort on her own. Give positive
follow-up like, “I bet you’ll get them on the
right feet tomorrow.”
8. Consider circumstances
If kids are tired, sick, stressed or adjusting
to a change, it’s not the time to introduce
new responsibilities. And don’t be
discouraged if they regress, wanting you
to do a task after they’ve mastered it. This
is normal. Temporarily sharing the load
can help them bounce back more quickly
than if you scold or criticize them.
Don’t rush in to solve minor issues when
they crop up, says psychologist Jeanne
Williams. Encourage your child’s problem-
solving skills by asking if she can come up
with a fix. If she’s stumped, give her time
to think before offering up your ideas.
Try to stay relaxed. Like me, you may find
more messy beds and puddles of milk, but
hearing your child proudly say, “I did it all
by myself!” is so worth it.
A version of this article appeared in our August
2014 issue with the headline “Help yourself,” p. 50.