even though I had a fight with my very best friend and we abandoned one another, life doesn’t end there. We live in a world where we make up afterwards. “
What we do after a disconnect to reconnect: that’s what deepens your relationship. If you understand that, you are going to be really at peace. You can get it wrong and still get it right.
I didn’t want my mum to get it right all the time. I didn’t want her to fall apart in guilt and disconnect about getting things wrong. I wanted her to say: “Ok, I see i got it wrong. You’re right. No wonder you’re upset with me. What did you want from me instead?” (Imagine if our parents talked to us like that).
Your baby gives you the best advice there is. Listen to him! Don’t be frightened when you get it wrong!
2. Embrace your worries. It shows you care.
The belief that a nuclear family is possible? It’s not! I think it’s a sheer disolution that two happy healthy parents have enough energy to look after a baby. I think there might be people that can do that, but I think there are less than 1%. It takes at least 4 people to raise 1 child.
Big shout out to my community, tribe, family and friends here. I am so grateful I have all this support. So grateful to have Willow in my life and being able to give back to you and support all you mamas around the world.
- Mama Sandra
A tribe and community is not just something beautiful, it should be non-negotiable, and within it, an assumption to have a communal approach to parenting. Anthropologists call it 'co-operative parenting'. The disconnect that happens in families all around the world is happening because there is nowhere near enough practical, as well as emotional support. It’s an enormous challenge to live with little people! Almost on a daily basis we need elders and we need community; whether it’s extended family or not. A tribe is a harmonious unit when it’s based on shared core values: it doesn't need to be with family, and these days it often isn’t, the reason being that there has been a big leap forward in our understanding of how children should be brought up. That’s why there is often conflict between generations.
Here’s why grandparents are important: once you’ve supervised them, and disciplined them (big laugh), they still have something very special to bring - that you can’t. What makes grandparents so special is that they are not in a hurry, they no longer have something to prove, their ambition has come to rest, and that’s what gives them a great availability in their presence.
Little children really resonate with that.
This was the moment that brought me to tears as I have lost my dad recently and he never got the chance of being this awesome Opa (grandpa) that he would have been. I want to take a break here and honour all the great grandparents that couldn’t be here with us. Robin fully connected with me and got teary too, as he has also lost his dad a few years ago. He did explain very well that our parents be it mums or dads live on in us. They are part of us and they will continue living on and keep on teaching us if we let them. They are with us in ways we can’t even imagine and even in years time will still be teaching us. What a special moment! - Mama Sandra.
IMAGE CREDIT: Ingrid Pullen