During Pregnancy:
Food will become her best friend. If you fail to give her what she wants, be prepared for the consequences. After you have gone on the hunt to find the best clams zuppa in town, in a snow storm, at 10 o’clock at night...do not even dare to ask her if you can have a bite. The only bite that will happen is her biting off your finger.
Expect to have high stress levels. Picture yourself working for a car dealership where you must meet a quota and have all the paperwork correct while 4 different bosses watch your every move and tell you every single thing you are doing wrong; meanwhile, you must make the sale. Multiply that by 10 and this is the stress you will be feeling during the pregnancy. This will cause you to eat more and gain weight. And...under no circumstance do you ever and I mean EVER mention how big your partner is getting..even if she looks like a beached whale.
You can absolutely 100% take sex off the table. It will not happen and the only chance you have of it happening is if she gets so desperate to get the baby out that the only method of induction is to use you. I assure you, you will not get out of the pregnancy the same way you got in, but since this is probably all you will get...take advantage.
If you thought your partner was a bed hog before...now you no longer have a spot on the bed. It has been overthrown by the giant body pillow she will be snuggled up to rather than you. Don’t be offended, this too shall pass.
Finally, if you so much as muttered an “owch” you will wish you were in hell because it will be much nicer than the response you will get from your partner. I don’t care what the situation, DO NOT COMPLAIN to your partner. It will not end well...I promise.
During labor & delivery:
Take a flask to the hospital, and a Klonopin.
When the doc asks, “Do you want an epidural?”
The doc is not talking to you.
If your partner wants drugs during childbirth, go
get the doctor. Don’t ask her, “Are you sure?”
The most surprising thing to come out of your
partner during delivery will be the curse words directed at you…don’t take it personally.
Be careful using the word "WE". For example,
NEVER say, "We did a good job during labor!"
She will hurt you.
P.S.
Always agree with her.
Daddy Survival Guide : help understanding mommy mommy understanding mommy
how to help your partner deal with pregnancy, labor, delivery and the first few weeks home