Travel
ERK F TR ELIN
adventure , while the other parent stays home with the remaining child or children . Just two or three days can be a surprisingly powerful opportunity for a parent and child to get to know each other in a new context .
Even if your children get along well with each other and have only a small age difference , it ’ s interesting to see how different they can be after a few days apart . With all possibility of competing for parental attention suddenly gone , a child has a chance to relax in a whole new way .
This kind of travel also allows you to tailor a trip to a single child ’ s age and capabilities , rather than dealing with your kids as a unit and compensating for a younger or older sibling . Our boys get tired of always being “ the boys ,” and if you have multiple kids you may find that your kids feel the same way . Older children may feel stuck or bored doing “ little kid ” activities , while younger kids may be unhappy if activities skew toward older siblings .
Walking all over Tokyo in search of the ultimate sushi totally worked for my 14-year-old . He loved figuring out the city ’ s elaborate and complicated train system and helping me navigate from one part of the city to another . His 10-year-old brother would have put up with all of that , but halfway through each day he ’ d likely have been lobbying to return to the hotel .
Last year , I was able to spend a few days in Phnom Penh with my oldest , including a visit to the Killing Fields memorial . That night we had long talks about Cambodia and the impact that painful history and injustice can have on a country even decades after violence has ended . He was old enough to really engage with me on this complicated subject , something his younger brother wasn ’ t quite ready for at the time .
Six months after that trip to steamy Phnom Penh , I took a very different trip with my youngest to New York in December . With our jackets pulled tight around us against the cold wind , we went Pokemon hunting in Central Park and visited the enormous Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center . It was the perfect day for a 10-year-old , but probably would have left the 14-year-old thumbing through Snapchat and wondering when we could leave the Lego Store .
IT ’ S ABOUT YOU ( AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT )
Beyond the luxury of planning a trip for one child ’ s age rather than trying to satisfy them both — or them all — this kind of trip is also easier on a parent . Although I miss my husband on these trips when I ’ m the only adult present , there ’ s less stressful parenting to do . With just one child to keep safe and wrangled , and no sibling rivalry or fighting , the remaining kid tends to be easier to supervise than usual .
I ’ d go so far as to say that each of my boys seems more aware that I ’ m an individual on these trips , rather than dealing with me and my husband as “ the parents .” They ask me what I feel like doing on a given day or where I ’ d like to have dinner . In some ways , a vacation with one kid is more of a vacation than a trip with all of us together .
Meanwhile , the parent at home is getting a similar sort of break , especially if they ’ re at home with just one kid . It can be relaxing and fun for that parent to simply have a mellow few days at home focusing on the offspring who are there . With one less to
14-year-old Mason Anthony in a Tokyo sushi restaurant
parent , they can give the child who stays home some extra attention . And that child has one less person to compete with , too — a change of pace that tends to make everyone a little happier .
The final bonus ? Trips like these give the kids a break from each other . Our boys get along better than usual in the weeks after being reunited , which makes life better for the whole family . And all of us get to share stories of our separate experiences and revel in being back together again .
Two months after we found that little dumpling house , my oldest still talks about that one-on-one trip to Japan . He mentions “ our ” sushi restaurant , a tiny place we discovered on a different night during that trip , and loved so much that we ate there twice before flying home .
Looking at that simple , sweet photo of him on the night of the Yomiuri Giants game , I remember so many details that might have gotten lost if I ’ d been wrangling both boys . I wouldn ’ t trade those memories for anything , and wouldn ’ t have them if we hadn ’ t experimented with these special one-on-one vacations .
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