Wanderlust: Expat Life & Style in Thailand December 2014 / January 2015 | Page 25

trying her best to avoid eye contact. I soon discovered why. There was no way on earth that my curvy thighs were going to fit into the capri pants I had selected. I’m pretty sure I heard the garment squeal in terror when I took it off the hanger. Dejected, I left the fitting room and handed the offended garment back to the shop assistant who gave me a sympathetic smile and simply said, “Too small.” I was not about to give up already, so I headed into a brand name store. This time it was my wallet that let out a squeal. I searched the racks and selected a bigger size. Now I was the one avoiding eye contact as I headed for the fitting room. I turned my back to the mirror as I undressed so I wouldn’t have to face the reflection that only a fitting room mirror can create. I stepped into the dress, and I managed to get the dress on. There was only one small problem. There was no way the zipper in the back would ever zip up. I stomped out of the dressing room and returned the garments to the racks. My husband patiently followed me around from store to store, trying to help me find something to wear. After the fifth unsuccessful fitting session, I walked out of the fitting room on the brink of tears and asked my husband, “How much does liposuction cost?” He too was starting to look terrified. I think he could see that the banshee within was beginning to claw her way out. It was at this point that I decided to give shopping a rest for the day. We went for lunch and tried to forget about the unpleasant shopping experience. Our table was situated near two young Thai women, dressed in their mini skirts and pretty floral blouses. I sank lower into my seat as I watched them demolish a large pizza, ribs, and chicken wings. How do they do it? How do they eat so much food? Fortunately, we did not hang around long enough to see if they ordered dessert. It would have been too much for me if they did. A few days later, I was walking around a small shopping center and there were some clothes on display. I carefully flicked through the racks and examined the items I thought might fit. A gorgeous stick figure came gliding up to me, took one of the dresses off the rack, held it up and said, “It stretches for big ladies.”In my mind, I held her up and snapped her in half like a twig. I politely smiled and said,“Khup kum kah.” I took the dress, paid for it, and headed home. When I got home, yes, the dress did in fact fit because it stretches. But, it made me look like a pregnant fairy, and the dress has since been bundled up and banished to the back of the closet. I eventually found a few items at Marks and Spencer I am happy to say. This Bangkok shopping disaster has made me realize once again the importance of being in shape, not only for health reasons, but also for my own sanity. My determination to lose weight is now stronger than ever. I have decided not to admit defeat. Instead, I will exercise more and eat healthy Thai food. I will not give in to the tempting sweets and desserts on display everywhere. The day will come when I will confidently walk into a store and emerge a few hours later with bags full of beautiful clothes. For now, I will look down at my chest and smile triumphantly at my unpadded, all natural cleavage as I strut my JLo behind down the streets of Bangkok.