serves homeless teens and adolescents
with eating disorders.
Standing up to a Bully:
It’s All About Congruence
A teen that came for a recent individual
session had dropped out of school two
months before. The young woman refused
to return to school because she was being harassed and bullied. As the session
began, the young woman talked to the
equine educator about being intimidated
by a fellow student, when suddenly the
horse butted in.
Program horse “Toyota” walked over
and began to knock his head into the
girl’s shoulder, gently, yet insistently as
the girl described her problems with the
bully. The horse continued to “harass” the
teen by pulling on her collar, pushing her
around, and at one point even untying her
shoelaces with his teeth. The young woma n
was clearly irritated with the horse’s antics;
her jaw tightened, her breath quickened,
and her speech got tense.
The young woman appeased, then
pleaded with Toyota, saying, “Please don’t
do that,” while simultaneously petting
him on the neck. As she continued her
efforts to ‘make nice’ with the horse, the
horse continued the harassment even
more until finally, in complete exasperation, the teen held both hands out in front
of her and yelled, “STOP IT!” Instantly
Toyota complied, dropped his head and
stood quietly by her side. Until that moment, the girl’s actions were not in congruence with her intentions.
In just one session, under the educator’s
firm guidance, the willing horse had guided the young woman to access her own
personal authority in a powerful form of
experiential learning. Through the horse’s
antics, the teen saw that she was giving off
mixed messages, which had worsened the
situation. She learned how to stand her
ground and mean it. Having practiced
new skills, the young woman returned to
school and successfully stood up to the
bully who then stopped harassing her.
Learning How to
Spot a Predator
Because horses are “prey” animals
(they do not eat other animals, but instead
are food for various predators), they
are very attuned to their environment
with what has been called socio-sensual
awareness. For horses, predators are easy
to spot because their intentions do not
match their behaviors: they are incongruent. The horse has to recognize predators
for survival and these are skills that our
teens need to have as well.
Horses used in Equine Guided Education often “mirror” issues back to teens
in ways that are easily remembered. In
the example above, the girl was not congruent. She wanted the bullying to stop,
but she also wanted to be in relationship,
so she kept petting the horse, even as he
was bothering her more and more. Her
actions (the petting) did not match her
desire (for the harassment to stop). Once
she put some force behind her words, the
horse backed off immediately, just as the
bully did back at school.
Horse Sense for Teens:
A Winning Combination
Taking Safe Risks.
Working with horses in equine guided
education helps teens to take risks in a
new environment under the guidance of
trained adult leaders. Horses can be 1,000
lbs. or more, and the challenge of working
with these magnificent animals can be
daunting, but also feeds the adolescent
desire to be challenged and “push the envelope.”
Authentic Communication
One reason that so many adolescents
tangle with the adults in their lives is that
they are often brutally honest and can
spot a “phony” easily. Teens and horses have little tolerance for adults that say
one thing and do another. Like the horses, teens appreciate authentic communication, and people that “say it like it is.”
At the same time, teens need to learn to
respect their elders, which the horses
model.
Learning about
Herd Behavior
Like the horses, adolescent survival in
social settings is dependent upon getting
along with the herd. Teens are often very
savvy about picking up cues from their
own “herd” or peer group. At the same
time, they can fear rejection from their
peers if they are honest about their feelings and life situations. The horses, with
their large generous hearts, are very accepting and often will spontaneously go
up to someone in need of the horse version of a hug.
Non-Verbal Cues
Teens respond especially well to working with the horses because so much of
the learning happens non-verbally, and
adolescents are often keen observers of
the social cues around them. In addition,
teens are often willing to face their fears
and make positive changes. The non-verbal
nature of the work is especially effective
for English language learners.
Got a Bully? Get A Horse
Equine-guided education can be a
powerful and effective answer to teaching
teens important life skills. At-risk teens may
be especially well-suited for experiential
learning with horses because they like to
take risks, want authentic communication, and because following the “herd” is
so important to them. I urge you to support local equine programs that are helping teens navigate through the difficult
passage of adolescence.
For more information on horses, healing,
and psychology, I invite you to visit
[http://www.dreamhorsewomen.com]
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Catherine_Held,_PhD
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