‘This is a momentous day for us,’ claimed a Google spokesperson. ‘For years we have wanted to pay our taxes but the files always seemed to go missing. Finally our search engine has become so advanced that it found all the relevant files and the money to pay off the bill. Rumours that we were forced to finally pay a bit of tax are unfounded, this was definitely completely voluntary.’
There is now hope amongst the British taxpayer that other big corporations like Amazon, Costa Coffee, Starbucks and eBay start using Google on their own accounts so that they too can start contributing to the economy in a fair manner.
Amazon UK Chief Christopher North has said that Amazon plans to look into the matter immediately: ‘I think this is a lot of
incorrect assumption that big companies, such as Amazon, are looking to avoid paying corporate tax. That is simply untrue. We are a mega-corporation though and it’s really tough to put a tax return together when you have as much money passing through your company as we do. Have you ever tried filling in a self-employment tax return? Well multiply that difficulty by ten, no-one was able to figure it out. My hat’s off to Google for coming up with a method. Hopefully they will provide a blueprint that we can follow.’
Meanwhile the Google search engine seems to be rapidly becoming a sentient being that is determined to make big companies pay their fair share of tax. Google techies are looking into the matter and hope to fix the issue in their Polar Bear v3.2 update.