Virginia Golfer Sep / Oct 2017 | Page 42

MyTurn by JIM DUCIBELLA

The ParTee Girls ’ story of golf as therapy

at Luke shudders to think what her life would be like had she not won a contest sponsored by a Williamsburg radio station 10 years ago . There is every reason to believe that the ParTee Girls might never have been born .
It was a contest , by the way , that she never entered . Unbeknownst to her , someone — to this day she knows not who — entered her name . The prize : A full membership to the Golden Horseshoe Golf Club .
With a full-time job at William & Mary , Luke played golf twice a year , didn ’ t own clubs and knew one rule : You couldn ’ t tee the ball in the fairway .
Having caddied for the rich and petulant at a private Pittsburgh club as a teenager , husband Ed Luke wanted no part of the game . But he knew an omen when he saw one . “ Take advantage of this ,” he told her . She took a few lessons , but had almost no one to play with . Her girlfriends played on the weekend , with their husbands . What little time she spent on Golden Horseshoe ’ s Spotswood course , she mostly spent alone .
Late in 2010 , Ed Luke was diagnosed with esophageal cancer . His oncologist told them to “ have the talk ,” for Ed to tell Pat what he ’ d like to see her do when he was gone . He ’ d say , “ Go to that course .”
Given no more than nine months to live , Ed Luke fought for 3½ years . When time permitted , Pat played the Spotswood , meeting and forging friendships with other women . Some of their husbands would even sit with Ed so that Pat could take a break .
Ed died in February 2014 . Encouraged by her best friend and mentored by Golden Horseshoe head professional Jeff Winters , Luke founded the ParTee Girls about two months later . She was so thorough , so diligent in getting the group off the ground that the initial class of 24 dubbed her “ The Commish .”
“ It was so important because it gave me something else to focus on ,” Luke said . “ People needed me — and I needed people to need me . My phone was ringing . People were emailing me . People would expect me to be somewhere … I needed structure , and once these women found out how important this was to me , they were my biggest supporters .”
While acknowledging that she ’ s no grief counselor , Luke said she is bothered by the fact that none of the professionals she saw after Ed ’ s death addressed her future .
“ They seemed to focus on grieving your spouse ,” she said . “ Instead , I think , they should be teaching you how to live your life without your spouse . Focus on what ’ s next . Not one of them ever said anything about taking up golf . But when they ’ d ask me what made me happy , I ’ d say ‘ Being with my girlfriends , being out on the golf course .’”
That bond has only grown stronger . Each Wednesday from April to October , the ParTee Girls gather to play the Spotswood , and to enjoy a glass of wine or two afterwards . There are no cliques ; The Commish mixes and matches the women so that everyone gets to know everyone . She charges an annual $ 25 non-refundable fee which goes to tipping the course marshals and to pay for a postseason party . The women pay for their own golf .
This isn ’ t golf the way the Royal & Ancient envisioned it . Luke frequently devises “ games ” the women play while on the course , like “ Luck Be a Lady .” Each foursome rolls a die before leaving the clubhouse ; the result becomes the group ’ s “ magic number .”
Pat Luke , right , founded the ParTee Girls after her husband Ed died in 2014 . The impact of the therapeutic alliance extends far beyond golf .
Then at each tee , they roll again . If the number matches their magic number , the group deducts a stroke from its score for that hole .
“ Look , I ’ m a 34 handicap ,” Luke said . “ I ’ m never going to be a good golfer . We don ’ t care what your score is . It ’ s about having fun .”
Luke said she ’ d happily instruct women anywhere in the country in how to form their own chapter of ParTee Girls . That ’ s how strongly she believes in its therapeutic power .
It turns out Luke isn ’ t the only woman who has used being a ParTee Girl as a coping mechanism . Several women have become widows since joining the group . Others have endured divorces . Four have been diagnosed with breast cancer .
Group membership has grown to 60 ; Luke estimates one-fourth of them have battled or are battling a serious problem .
“ They know they can come here and be completely themselves ,” she said . “ We play a different game each week . We want you to laugh . That ’ s why we do it .”
LISA CUMMING
40 V IRGINIA G OLFER | S EPTEMBER / O CTOBER 2017 vsga . org