With the holidays quickley approaching I offten wonder
how families handle being stretched from household to
household. I went to Mrs. Sylvia Banks to get her expert
advice on how families should handle these situations.
1)Do you deal with a lot of married couples who are torn between where they should spend the holidays?
We don't necessarily deal with a lot of couples who are in this situation, however, we do know that there a lot of couples who do struggle. This is due mainly to family structure issues, ex's and dysfunction in families.
2) Does the situation seem to escalate when children are involved?
Yes, because of the extended families that become involved during holidays. Not only do children have to see their parents, but grandparents, cousins, etc.
3) How do you suggest situations are handled when there is a split in the family due to divorce, and have been remarried?
Communication is the key.
The adults need to put their differences and personal issues aside and come up with a plan that is going to benefit the children. Communicating the plan with the children will give them ample time to process and prepare for the situation. It is unfair to throw the children into a situation that they are not prepared to handle emotionally. Keeping the lines of communication open will help to create a smooth and less stressful transition from one house to the other.
4) What advice do you give to people in this torn holiday situation?
Again, I think communication is important and also to look at the big picture. The ultimate goal is for everyone to have a great time with family and also to focus on the reason why we do celebrate Christmas. It is going to be important to be willing to compromise and not be selfish.
5) Do you think that the children are affected when they are torn between households?
Yes, very much so. Often times, children blame themselves for their parents divorce and so it is hard for them as they get caught in the middle. They love both parents, yet they don't want to hurt either of them. They should not have to feel guilty if they are with dad and not with mom or vice versa.
6) Over all what would be your best advice for the families being stretched between the family?
Once again, Planning is going to be key. Plan and work the plan. Also, realize that this seasonal, it's only once a year so you have to give a little and be willing to be flexible. Careful planning will also be key in helping the children not feel stressful. Be realistic and don't overplan, meaning that there needs be down time in between visits.
time.
7) Over all what would be you best advice for the family pioneers(ex. grand parents) who may be offended by the choice others make?
Grandparents are going to have to be flexible. Things may not be as they were when they were growing up. Communicating with them and helping them to understand the situation and what the plan is going to have to suffice. With modern technology a lot can be accomplished by skyping or face timing so families can share an event or celebration without having to physically be there. (When they start acting up, you can turn off the skype for technical difficulties..lol)!
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