MIND & BODY
I gave a nod of approval that concealed my superficial emotional bruises . I felt my ego deflate , languishing in the discomfort of temporary powerlessness . The reservation could be easily cancelled , but it was harder to erase my resentments and insecurities . I had attempted to win my girlfriend ’ s favor with a heartfelt romantic gesture , but it had fallen flat due to the complications of her late-stage pregnancy . My face was wrapped in a tight-lipped grimace as I stewed in an exasperated haze . I didn ’ t know if I was capable of moving on and accepting things as they were .
Suddenly , I experienced a powerful epiphany : taking my girlfriend to dinner might have been romantic , but I could still be kind and thoughtful at home . Throughout the course of my recovery , I had learned that the allure of fancy food or gifts paled in comparison with the timeless power of personal involvement and small , yet meaningful acts of service . Instead of lamenting that I couldn ’ t enjoy a lavish meal at a restaurant , I decided to take things in a different direction . I turned to my girlfriend and offered the following prompt :
Benjamin Lerner is a recovering addict , composer , writer , musician , and radio host . He has been sober and clean since June 13th , 2016 . In his weekly column , CLEAN , he shares his personal journey - and lessons he has learned from his life in recovery . Benjamin lives in East Arlington , Vermont .
Upbeat theme music blared out of the television speakers as I walked through my living room . I was five years sober , and I was getting ready to take my girlfriend on a surprise dinner date . As I walked towards our washing machine with an overflowing hamper , I looked over at her and she smiled back warmly . She was eight months pregnant , and she was seated on a comfortable couch while watching her favorite show . I hummed a merry tune as I walked towards the kitchen to finish the final dishes in the sink , dreaming of the gourmet delicacies that awaited us at our favorite farm-to-table eatery .
After setting down the last freshly-scrubbed pan in the drying rack , I walked towards her , cleared my throat , and presented her with what I thought was good news :
“ What would you like to eat ?”
Her eyes lit up like a meteor shower as she listed off a wish list of potential gastronomic delights that we could enjoy from our refrigerator . I felt both empowered and liberated as I walked back to the kitchen . I might not have been a world-class chef , but I was determined to make the evening at home even more memorable than a glamorous night out on the town . Recovery had given me the ability to adjust to a situation in which I had very little control , and I was grateful to be reaping the rewards that came from living life in the solution one day at a time .
Always remember :
Keep moving forward . Run towards the truth . Don ’ t quit before the miracle happens .
“ I just made reservations at our favorite place ! We can leave in fifteen minutes .”
Her happy and content smile quickly transitioned to a glassyeyed stare . She sighed , put down her chips , and offered the following response :
“ That ’ s really sweet , but I don ’ t think I have the energy . To be honest , I just want to watch TV and read my book . You should come watch this show with me !”
Visit aa-intergroup . org / directory . php for a comprehensive list of online and phone-based AA meetings .
For local meetings visit tpcbennington . org or call 802-442-9700 .
April 22 , 2024 Vermont News Guide 29