Vermont Bar Journal, Vol. 40, No. 2 VBA Journal, Winter Issue, Vol. 41, No. 4 | Page 25

www.vtbar.org much lives on the front porch. The first time I raid the cooler, I take five beers. Two days later, I take ten. I quickly determine that I like the warm feeling I get after I chug a few beers. I start off drink- ing alone. It doesn’t take long before I’m drinking about a six-pack of beer every day. Eventually, my cousin notices that the cooler is being emptied on a regular ba- sis. He moves the cooler inside. This does not deter me. When my cousin decides to stop stocking the cooler and his fridge, I learn that, for a fee, older kids—who are 21 or have fake IDs—are happy to purchase booze for me. It’s also about this time that my friend’s dad buys a liquor store and I discover that marijuana is also an interest- ing substance. Opportunity, in a sense, abounds. Eventually, the brushes with the law start. Connecticut police, for whatever reason, are lenient with drunk kids. Looking back, I’m surprised I never was arrested in Con- necticut. In Vermont, I start hanging out with older kids. I join a punk rock band. I travel around the United States and some- how manage to stay out of real legal trou- ble until I return to Vermont. At 19, I get picked up by the State Police, hitchhiking drunk. At 20, I pick up a mess of charges for being a drunken idiot and tussling with a Trooper. That’s a long story I’ll tell you some other time. I get charged with a lot of crimes over the next few years, all alcohol related. I wreck vehicles. I do a lot of dumb stuff I don’t need to recount here (but that I did need to recount on all my bar applications). Eventually, I nearly end up with a DUI in Maine. So I sober up for a few years and finish college. I apply to law school and get in. Life is good again. And here’s the part that kills me every time. I thought I had it beat. Because I was sober for a few years, I figured I was good to go. I’d proved to myself that alcohol didn’t have control over me. The first day of law school is an orien- tation at the state house. We get to have beers with the governor. There’s no way I can pass that opportunity up, right? So I start drinking again. But I have rules. I only drink on the weekends. I only drink beer. And that works great for a few months. But then I start making little ex- ceptions. And the little exceptions get big- ger. Eventually, I have a half-gallon of vod- ka hidden in my filing cabinet. Eventually, I drive the morning after a particularly exu- berant binge and wreck my Jeep—like re- ally wreck it. I wake up on the side of the road to EMTs and two State Troopers. The Troopers smell booze and I end up testing at almost dou- ble the legal limit despite having slept for several hours the night before. My fiancée breaks up with me. I move in with my par- ents for a little while. I lose my license and often have to hitchhike to law school. So I stop drinking. And I’ve been so- ber for a little over eight years now. My last drink was in law school. Over the past eight years, I’ve gotten married, become a college professor, been admitted to three bars, and become a grandfather (via my 25- year old stepdaughter). I’ve learned a lot. I’ve also had some rough times. My father took his own life two years ago. I’m still dealing with that. I’ve seen utter joy and I’ve been so depressed that I didn’t want to get out of bed. If you’re like me, quitting booze doesn’t make your problems go away. Sometimes, perhaps even often, the problems are that much more stressful initially because there’s no temporary (and it is very tempo- rary) escape hatch at the bottom of a bot- tle. What quitting drinking does is allow one to face the problems head-on—it gets THE VERMONT BAR JOURNAL • WINTER 2016-17 rid of that tempting ‘I’ll-deal-with-it-tomor- row’ excuse. I’ve got a lot more I could say, but that’s enough for now. I’ve told you part of my story. Maybe it’s resonated with you; or maybe you think I’m foolish. But the one thing—if I had to pick one thing—that’s re- ally helped me over the years is knowing that I’m not alone. We have a Lawyers As- sistance Program in Vermont (www.lapvt. org). Under Rule 8.3, these are the lawyers you can talk to about drug, alcohol, or any other addiction issues confidentially. Don’t be afraid to use it. ____________________ Andy Delaney is vice president of Martin & Associates in Barre. He focuses his prac- tice primarily on personal injury and crimi- nal defense. He is admitted to the bar in Vermont, New York, and the District of Co- lumbia. 25