Divorce With Dignity |
bargaining , depression , and acceptance . 7 Collaborative law allows clients to grieve their losses while moving forward with the divorce process . The team strives for resolution that meets the client ’ s procedural , substantive , and psychological needs . We do not allow our clients to remain stuck in their anger . This process leads to healthier people who can effectively co-parent and move on with their lives without the legacy of bitterness and resentment that an adversarial divorce often produces .
Not every case is a collaborative one . If your intake reveals that a client ’ s physical safety or finances are at imminent risk , go to court . Yet , every divorce client should still be educated about collaborative law . Every family law attorney should obtain basic training in collaborative law even if you don ’ t see yourself practicing it . It is a disservice to clients not to inform them of the full panoply of options — from sitting at the kitchen table and doing their divorce pro se , to mediation , collaborative law , or an adversarial divorce and contested litigation .
As lawyers , we have choices about how we want to practice , and clients should have choices about how they want to be divorced . We can obtain and use collaborative law negotiation skills and training to model “ non-violent communication ” for our clients , 8 and show them new ways to communicate . After all , when the divorce is over , we go away . Clients , especially those with children , must deal with each other for the rest of their lives .
Social scientists and mental health professionals have written extensively on the topic of divorce and its effect on children . The Vermont Supreme Court has opined on the negative effects of litigation on families and children . We see how unresolved anger can lead to alienation , which is a recognized form of emotional abuse . 9 As Justice Dooley observed in his dissent in Spaulding v . Butler :
We know from numerous studies that custody litigation has a tremendous adverse impact on the children who are the subject of that litigation . Whatever order the court issues as a result of that litigation , the destructive impact of the litigation itself , and the accompanying adversary contentiousness of the parents , may leave the greatest mark on the growth and de-velopment of the child . I seriously doubt that there is any longer a “ right ” answer , even if we can discover it . The real need is to stop the contentious liti-gation as soon as possible , not to dis-cover a better custody order . 10 The collaborative law model currently operating in Vermont empowers clients to get
|
divorced with a degree of grace , dignity , and interdisciplinary support not available through any other model . Consider this a clarion call to the Vermont family law bar to obtain training in collaborative law so that we can work together , within an established structure , to meet the higher needs of our clients and live more satisfying lives ourselves .
For more information on collaborative law , visit the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals , 11 The Boston Law Collaborative , 12 or Collaborative Alliance of New Hampshire 13 for upcoming regional trainings . ____________________ Nanci A . Smith , Esq ., is exclusively dedicated to resolving complex family law issues through mediation , collaboration , and litigation . Nanci is licensed in both Vermont and New York and her office is in Williston , Vermont . Nanci is the current chairperson of the VBA Collaborative Law Committee and serves as the president of the Board of Trustees for Vermont Legal Aid , Inc ., and is an officer of Legal Services Law Line of Vermont , Inc . ____________________
1
Pauline Tesler , Collaborative Law : Achieving
Effective Resolution in Divorce without Litigation
( 2008 ).
2
Uniform Collaborative Law Rules / Act-Short Summary , http :// www . uniformlaws . org .
3
Susan Gamache , The Inner Life of a Collaborative Practice Group , 11 Collaborative Rev ., summer 2011 .
4 http :// www . americanbar . org / publications / gpsolo _ ereport / 2011 / september _ 2011 / before _ collaborative _ law _ case . html
5
Kate Scharff & Lisa Herrick , Navigating Emotional Currents in Collaborative Divorce ( 2010 ). 6
Personal letter to author dated May 27 , 2013 ( emphasis added ).
7
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross , On Death and Dying
( 1969 ).
8
Marshall B . Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication : A Language of Life ( 2003 ). 9
See , Renaud v . Renaud , 721 A . 2d 463 , 465- 66 , 168 Vt . 306 , 309 ( 1988 ); Bell v . Squires , 845 A . 2d 1019 , 176 Vt . 557 ( 2003 ); Sundstom v . Sundstom , 865 A . 2d 358 , 177 Vt 577 ( 2004 ); In re : M . A ., Juvenile , 60 A . 2d 732 , 2012 VT 103 ( 2012 ).
10
Spaulding v . Butler , 782 A . 2d 1167 , 1180- 1181 , 172 Vt . 467 , 483-484 ( 2001 ) ( citations omitted ).
11 http :// www . collaborativepractice . com
12 http :// www . bostonlawcollaborative . com
13 http :// collaborativelawnh . org
|
by Nanci A . Smith , Esq .
Can You Be an Effective Collaborative Divorce Lawyer ?
Most family lawyers try to be supportive of their clients . In the collaborative law process , with the help of specifically-trained mental health professionals , we consciously and deliberately help our clients identify their needs and goals for a healthy future . We do this in an entirely non-adversarial way . We strive to be effective , creative , and open-minded throughout the process . If you can answer “ yes ” to any question 1-9 , and “ yes ” to 10 , you too can be an effective collaborative lawyer .
1 . Do you have sufficient experience and / or confidence in your abilities as an attorney ?
2 . Do you have the ability to enter a negotiation with an open mind , and not force a resolution that is based upon your pre-conceived notions and ideas ?
3 . Are you comfortable ( or can you practice ) sitting back and allowing others to express themselves , without interruption or automatic knee-jerk reactions and negative judgments ?
4 . Can you listen for the underlying motivation behind the words being said ?
5 . Can you leave your “ bossy ” ego at the door ?
6 . Do you believe ( or can you conceive ) that other people in a negotiation have different skills and talents that they bring to the table ?
7 . Do you believe ( or can you conceive ) that a better resolution for your client may result by working with others in a safe , supportive , and transparent environment where creativity is valued ?
8 . Do you value and support the expression of compassion and forgiveness ?
9 . Are you willing to try a different approach that values integrity , honesty , transparency , and mutual respect for the other professionals and clients involved in the case ?
10 . Are you willing to attend a twoday introductory training , so you understand what collaborative law is really all about ?
© 2016 All rights reserved
|