Unnamed Journal Volume 3, Issue 3 - Page 8

The Meditations of Caius Caligula to me right now. Her role in the great Conspiracy was known to me, and her ambition is repulsive. It makes me pity Tiberius the more, in truth. It was Drusilla, my oldest sister, who I counted as a friend. She and I were close in age and felt our father’s death the hardest. She was my counselor and advisor, one in whom I placed great trust. The other two are as unworthy of our mother as my brothers were of our father. Drusilla’s death did weight heavily upon me for that reason. Not since the death of my father and my mother had a particular human death seemed so enormous to me. I felt, for the first time in my life, truly alone in the world. And for a few nights I could not sleep, and wandered the hills calling out to the moon, daring Diana to prove herself worthy of my lost ones. But the pale goddess had no answer, which was answer enough. The gods will not interfere. Jupiter himself stands aside, as he stands in me. Drusilla’s friendship and love, like my father’s goodness, like my mother’s suffering, was just one more of the hecatomb that I am owed in sacrifice. I will have my sacrifice. I can do no other. UJ