Unnamed Journal Volume 3, Issue 2 - Page 31

It's time to accept that your TV franchise was meant for TV and shouldn't, by and large, be made into movies, Trekkies (Whales? You have to resort to a Time Travel Plot Device and Whales to sell a movie, you bites-the-heads-off-chickens geeks?). It's time to accept that the thing you care about is not that important. I'll lead the way: Hitchiker's Guide the Galaxy is not that important. Amusing, yes. Though progressively less so as Zaphod Beeblebrox was removed from the series. But not important. Nihilism with a smiley face, mostly. It's funny if you've grown up very sheltered and never been exposed to Monty Python. Also, Monty Python is not that important. Absurdism for its own sake can't be. And unless you're certain that 80% of the people around you have watched enough Flying Circus/Life of Brian/Quest for the Holy Grail to know the thing you're quoting, you should stop quoting it. And if 80% of the people around you are aware, then you don't need to quote it, because they're already thinking it, and will only correct you if you quote it slightly inaccurately. Because pedantry is the heart of nerdery. What else, what else? The Goonies is not at all important. It's a dumb movie enlivened by a functional soundtrack and a plot that was significantly cleverer when Treasure Island did it in the 18 th fucking century. Anyone who handed over the value of their labor to wear a T-Shirt with HEY YOU GUYS plastered on it is way stupider than Sloth. Sloth at least understood the value of what he wore on his chest. Accept this because your memories are not the same as eternal value. Accept this because only by transcending the limits of what you in your present state, think of as "cool" can you actually detach from the noise, and become what "cool" reflects. Accept this because they don't want you to, if you're dumb enough to believe that. Or don't. Let me know how the Han Solo movie you didn't ask for turns out. UJ