Unnamed Journal Volume 3, Issue 1 - Page 5

A Small Collection of Bad Aphorisms by Montgomery Finneus Beaumont IV The man who knows himself begins the journey of a thousand miles on two hands. It’s easier to shatter your own perspective than to wrestle a dead pig. Anger is the soul reaching through pain for the truth - specifically, how that bitch be crazy. Technology was once the problem. Now it’s the solution to the problem of the solution. It takes a lot of courage to be brave about your complete lack of fortitude. Never throws away something if you can wipe your ass with it first. Power corrupts those who long to be corrupted. You’ll probably be fine. Never give a sucker a nickel’s worth of free advice - soak the bastard. A starving man is God’s way of teaching you charity. A drowning man is just unlucky. Sobriety is like sex on a dumpter fire: it smells like pee and usually hurts. Never call a man a liar for not clinging to your truth. Call him a schmuck. A bird in the hand belongs in the oven. Seriously, why are you holding a bird? UJ