Unnamed Journal Volume 2, Issue 3 - Page 12

How I’m Pretty Sure World War One Started Kaiser: Leave. The Schnapps. [exit Bethmann-Hollweg. The Kaiser opens the bottle of schnapps and starts drinking directly from it.] Kaiser: So, I’m right in assuming that the Schlieffen Plan is … our only plan at this point. von Moltke: Um…no… von Falkenhayn: Yes. von Kluck: Yes. von Moltke: …yes. Kaiser: And, what with the complexities of mobilizations, and logistics, and train schedules, it’s basically impossible to do any other plan? von Kluck: yes. von Falkenhayn: This is kind of depressing… von Moltke: What kind of other plan? Kaiser: Shit, I dunno, maybe a plan that actually focused on who and why we were fighting? von Moltke: Like what? Kaiser [puts down the bottle of schnapps for the first time since Bethmann left] Okay, so we’re fighting the Russians, right? And you lot have been freaking for a decade plus that their army is growing by leaps and bounds, even though most of their soldiers are illiterate peasants who couldn’t tell you which end of the gun the bullet came out of if you held it to their heads. So whatever their quantity gains, they’ve got a quality problem. So in a head-to-head matchup, barring acts of God, we’ll kick their vodka-swilling teeth in, right? von Moltke: That seems right. -͕Mѕѥɽչ]ѕɸɽݡɔݔٔɕՕ́Ѽ)ɕ̰ݡ䁑eЁݔЁѡձȁɵ䁥ѡЁ͕ѱѡɕ)ٽQЁͽչɽͱ9)-͕'eЁхЁɍѼɥd5͍܁ѡݥѕȸ'eх)хٕȁѡȁɥɕѡ ѥ̰AUɅѡЁͽЁѡ!ѡ͔)́ɔݥѠɵ́݅丁Ёѡٕ䁱а%ݔЁ̰ݗe͕)ѡȁɽѠɅєЁ͍ɔѼѡ)ٽ5ѭ]ЁЁɅ)-͕]ЁЁɅQeٔЁѡͥєɽݡѕٕȁѡȁՅ)̰ѡ䁡ٔՅѥɽ%ѡ䁡ѡݕȁѼ́䁑ͥ