Tikkun Winter 2019 (34.1) - Page 106

and in daily life of toxic masculinity extolling control, violence, and dominance over women. They are confused about their roles, unsure about how they should act. They are eager for us to initiate discussions with them about these issues. They do not need us to lecture them about our values, they need help thinking criti- cally about what is going on in our communi- ties and support determining their own values. They also need help in coming together with other Jewish youth, in safe settings, to share feelings, listen to others, and explore these is- sues. Many of us in the Jewish community are con- cerned about how our sons will become good men with good values. We want to be proud of what they stand for. But we also have to be concerned about who they stand with. Without a grounding in Jewish values and a firm sense of their role as an ally to children, to women, to other men, to those who are gender non-con- forming, and to all those marginalized in our communities they run the risk of becoming one of the significant number of Jewish men who are abusive to others and destructive of our community life. We need to ask not only what will they stand for, but also who will they stand with. In doing so we will become allies to them so they can become allies to others. PAUL KIVEL is an educator, parent, writer, and social justice activist and can be reached at paul@paulkivel.com or www.paulkivel.com. 106 W W W .T I K K U N . O R G RESOURCES Boys Will Be Men: Raising Our Sons for Courage, Caring, and Community by Paul Kivel. New Society Publishers, 1999. The Courage to Raise Good Men: You Don’t Have to Sever the Bond with Your Son to Help Him Become a Man by Olga Silverstein & Beth Rashbaum. Penguin Books, 1994. Helping Teens Stop Violence, Build Community and Stand for Justice by Allan Creighton with Paul Kivel. Turner Publishing, 2011. “How to Raise a Boy” by Will Leitch and other articles at https://www. thecut.com/2018/03/will-leitch-on- raising-sons-in-2018.html. “Love: All That and More” (video, 66 minutes) Faithtrust Institute, 2001. Young Men’s Work: Stopping Violence & Building Community by Allan Creigh- ton and Paul Kivel. Hazelden, 1998. WINTER 2019