Thunder Roads Magazine of Oklahoma/Arkansas November 2014 - Page 16

Chopper Zeke was in a bar n’ grill yesterday, feeling no pain and chillaxin’ with a great mellow buzz, when he suddenly realized he desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so he timed his farts with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, heI started to feel a whole lot better. He finished his beer, and noticed that everybody was staring at him... Then it dawned on him that he was listening to his iPod. Ever wonder why baby diapers have cute names like Luvs, Huggies and Pampers; while undergarments for old people are called Depends? Well, here’s your answer. When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna’ Luv’ em’, Hug’ em and Pamper em’… When old people crap in their pants, it “Depends” on who’s in the damn will. A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter and had gone all out – a caterer, band and a clown. Just before the party started, two bikers showed up looking for a donation for one of their charities. Feeling sorry for the bikers, the woman told them that she would give them a donation if they would help chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house. The guests arrived and all was going well. The children were having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn’t shown up. After 30 minutes, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic and would probably not make the party at all. The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bikers doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips and jumped high in the air. She went up to the other biker and said, “What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I will pay him $50.” The other biker says, “Well, I dunno’ lady. Let me ask him. ‘Hey bubba! For $50, would you chop off another toe?” Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order. ‘I would like a Sprite,’ said the first little piggy. ‘I would like a Coke,’ said the second little piggy. ‘I want beer, lots and lots of beer,’ said the third little piggy. The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner. ‘I want a nice big steak,’ said the first piggy. ‘I would like the salad plate,’ said the second piggy. ‘I want beer, lots and lots of beer,’ said the third little piggy. The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert. ‘I want a banana split,’ said the first piggy. ‘I want a cheesecake,’ said the second piggy. ‘I want beer, lots and lots of beer,’ exclaimed the third little piggy. ‘Pardon me for asking,’ said the waiter to the third little piggy,’ But why have you only ordered beer all evening?’ The third piggy says ‘Well, duh…..somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home! A biker’s greatest achievement was his brood of six kids. He was so proud that he continually called his wife: “Mother of Six”, which ticked her off to no end. But he kept referring to her as “Mother of Six” no matter where they went. At end of a poker run, he shouted across the bar, “Hey, “Mother of Six”, you ready to go home?” His irritated wife screamed back: “Anytime you’re ready, “Father of Four”!”