Thunder Roads Magazine MO/So. IL 2018-April - Page 34

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman, posed to elegantly cover their privates. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, ‘As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most.’ He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, ‘Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to go again?’ He asks her ‘Shall we?’ She eagerly replies, ‘Oh, yes, let’s! But let’s change positions. This time, I’ll hold the pigeon down while you crap on its’ head.’ --------------------------------------------------------------------- A biker couple, just married during Bike Week, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his hot bride and said, “Here, put these on.” She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. “I can’t wear your pants,” she said. “That’s right!!” said the husband, “and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!” With that she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.” He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, “Hell, I can’t get into your panties!” She said, “That’s absolutely right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you adjust your attitude, big boy.” --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man boards a plane with six kids. After they get settled in their seats, a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks, “Are all of those kids yours?” He looks bewildered at her and replies, “No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.” A m BvvW&RfrVWB&F2FЦW"fR&W7FW&BFWvW&Rvrfvǒ@V6FW"BFrG2FRvG&W72FrFW"&FW"BF&RfWp7FW2v7VFFVǒF6VBFRv6vǒ6ƖFpFvW"6"VFW"FRF&RBVFW"FRF&P6F'WBFR7F&VB7G&vBVBFRvG&W72vF6VB2FRv6ƖBFRvFvW"6"BFFǒWBb6vBVFW"FRF&RЦ6F7FFR7F&VB7G&vBVBFRvG&W72F涖rF2&Vf"&B&7\:@v'&VBFBB֖vBffVBFW"FW'2vVBfW"FFRF&RBF7FgVǒ&Vv'6rFFR( &FR6"'WBFW"vfRW7B6ƖBVFW"FPF&R( ХFR6ǒVBWBW"B6B( 6PFF( B6RW7BvƶVB( ТФFV6W"62FRG2W"WFw&FR673( v@FRvBF&RvVRw&rW( ФƗGFR63( Ēv( 7F'BWB2fvFW BFV&R&Ɩ&RvFFR7BWV6fP6V'2fBRFRfW7B( W6'WvfRW fW'&&v'FfW"֖Ɩ'V62'FV@66&6&2WBFG&fVF&VvWBWW&RƖ֗Bf6FV@FRvR&vrW"ƖR67&VVF"W'&6R( ХFRFV6W"66VBBBvrvBFFvFF2'&&R&W76RFV6FW2BF6vVFvPvBR6BB6ǒ6FVRvFFRW76( &vBFVBr&WBR6&( Ю( Ēv( &R( 2( ( ФF7F"622FVCv2&Vv@&7FGWFR( vVFRrvFRfFW"3( Х&7FGWFR2BFRF2BfW'WW7FVFǐ&WƖW2( f"vFW726RbRFR6`&V2vVBRrv6RFRRf'C( ТХFVFW"&G2vR3 FVFW"&G2vR3