Thunder Roads Magazine MO/So. IL 2017-November - Page 34

Bike Night/Calendar Girl FINALE’ A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage “Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?” The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motor- cycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and said, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year, a pretty small salary and you get the really big bucks (500 mil a year + bonuses & perks) when you and I are doing basically the same work?” The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic….. “Try doing it with the engine running.” -------------------------------------------------------------- This bill collector had been calling Rhino for sev- eral months and he eventually had to block him. But one day he called from a different number and Rhino answered the phone and the collector said; “Do you know as of today your outstanding bill is one year old?” Rhino said, “Really? Tell it Happy Birthday!” and hung up. ------------------------------------------------------------ How come we choose from just two people to run for President but over fifty for Miss America? -------------------------------------------------------------- When I was young we used to go ‘skinny dipping.’ Now I just ‘chunky dunk.’ --------------------------------------------------------------- WHY are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? --------------------------------------------------------------- WHY if flying is supposedly so safe, do they call the airport the terminal? --------------------------------------------------------------- WHY is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? --------------------------------------------------------------- Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. --------------------------------------------------------------- What’s blue and covered with feathers? A turkey hiding from a hunter holding its’ breath. --------------------------------------------------------------- What do you get when you cross a turkey w an octopus? Finally, enough drumsticks! --------------------------------------------------------------- How can you tell when a Gold Wing rider is having an affair? His helmet doesn’t match the passengers. A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mock- ingbird Lane?” The biker said, “Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can’t carry this lot.” The old lady suggested, “Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in the other hand?” “Why thank you very much,” he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says, “Let’s take my shortcut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.” The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?” The biker said, “Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?” The lady replied, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket and I’ll hold the chickens.” (Hey, old broads get horny too!) --------------------------------------------------------------- Two turkeys are standing in their pen shootin’ the chit when one says “what’s up w/ Ed? I saw that Farmer guy chase him all around and then put him up under his arm and walk off with him. The other turkey says, “I think he’s going to the dentist. Heard Farmer say something about stuffing his cavity.” --------------------------------------------------------------- A woman is feeling totally in her “Zen” state of mind and says; “I love you” Her husband says “is that the wine talking?” She seriously replies, “I was talking to my wine”. --------------------------------------------------------------- A blonde and a brunette are in a car and the brunette mentions that Thanksgiving falls on a Friday next year. The blonde replies; “Wow, I hope it’s not Friday the 13th.” -------------------------------------------------------------- Two potatoes are standing on a corner. How do you tell which one is the prostitute? Easy. It’s the one with the tat that reads: Idaho Thunder Roads Magazine 32 Big St. Charles Motorsports wrapped up their season long Thursday nights with a huge bash. The Rizzuto Show 105.7 emceed the Calendar Girl Search and gave the crowd what they yearned for, the gorgeous finalists. 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