Thunder Roads LA MS Magazine DEC2017 - Page 34

A 72 year old guy takes this beautiful 24 year old young woman out to Christmas Eve dinner. They had a great time at dinner and are walking through the mall and he spots a jewelry store and they walk inside. He tells the Rep working there that this is one very special lady and he would like to buy her a very special ring. So the Rep shows him a very nice ring that cost $5,000. The older guy said no she is very, very special and needs a very, very special ring. So the Rep goes to another case and he pulls out a ring and said “I have this ring but it cost $40,000”. The older guy says “let’s see it”. The young ladies eyes light up when she puts it on her hand and she is smiling ear to ear. The older guy says “that is perfect we’ll take it”. He explained he only had a check and that it was 8pm so Rep couldn’t call the bank to verify the funds. “Can you take my check and hold the ring until Monday? Once the bank opens you cash the check and then call us and we will come pick up the ring”. The Rep says “great I will hold it until Monday”. Well Mon- day morning the Rep calls the bank only to find out the old guy doesn’t have enough to cash a $400. check let alone a $40,000. one. So the jeweler calls the old guy yelling to him but about the check. The old guy just said, “hold on, let me tell you about my wet n’ wild weekend”!!!. -------------------------------------------------------------- A Police Officer pulls over a speeding car on Christmas Eve. The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.” The driver says, “Goodness, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.” Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: ‘Now don’t be silly, dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control”. As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?” The wife smiles demurely and says, “Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.” As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit , the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut, ever”? The officer frowns and says, ‘And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine”. The driver says, ‘Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket”. (cont’d.) The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.” And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks,“Will you just shut the hell up?” The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?” The wife looks at the officer with eyes round and innocent and replies; “Only when he’s been drinking way too much.” --------------------------------------------------------------- On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for the farmer had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farm- er’s new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken s