Thunder Roads LA/MS AUG 2018 - Page 34

(Little Johnny may just be quicker than all of us) Teacher: Johnny, go to the map and find North America. Johnny goes to map: Here it is. Teacher: Correct. Now, class, tell me who it is that discovered America? Johnny: It’s me. I did it just now. Teacher: Johnny, how old is your Father? Johnny: He’s 10 years old. Teacher: What? How exactly is that possible? Johnny: Well, he only became a Father when I was born. Teacher: Johnny, how do you spell ‘crocodile’? Johnny: k-r-o-k-o-d-i-a-l Teacher: No, that’s incorrect. Johnny: Maybe so, but you asked me how I spell it. Teacher: Johnny, what is the chemical formula for water? Johnny: h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o Teacher: What are you talking about? Johnny: Yesterday you said it was ‘H to O’. 32 Thunder Roads Magazine Louisiana/Mississippi | August 2018 | Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and being a farm kid and a young hunter with my Dad I said, “Fried chicken”. She said I wasn’t funny, but everyone in the class laughed. She sent me to the Principal’s office. I told him what happened and he laughed too but told me not to do it again. I got home and told my Dad what happened and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they really like animals. I thought to myself that I really like animals too; especially chicken, pork and beef. The next day in class the teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her chicken. She asked why. I told her because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the Principal’s office. I told him what happened and he laughed and told me not to do it again. I really don’t understand, my parents taught me to be honest but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today in class she asked me what famous person I admired most. I told her Colonel Sanders. Guess where I am now? --------------------------------------------------------------- A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said... “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.” “What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.” “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.” “Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I’m fine now.” The bartender replied, “Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?” The pirate explained, “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I’m fine, really.” “What about that eye patch?” “Oh,” said the pirate, “One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them shit in my eye.” “You’re kidding,” said the bartender. “Can you lose an eye just from bird shit?” “It was my first day with the hook.” --------------------------------------------------------------- Little Johnny finds himself at the Principal’s office and the Principal ushers him in and lets out a long sigh and asks ‘why are you here yet again?’ Little Johnny explains in a very innocent voice. ‘Well, the teacher was going over our numbers for the 8th time this week and she asked, ‘what comes after 69?’ ‘Apparently “mouthwash” was the wrong answer cause’ here I am with you, yet again.’ Teacher: Johnny, your assignment on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his? Johnny: No ma’am, it’s exactly the same dog. -------------------------------------------------------------- A senior man walks into his local Pharmacy and finds the aisle he’s looking for but not the product as the labels are too small of writing for him to read. He sees a perky young blonde stocking the shelves and asks her, “Excuse me Miss, could you help me find the ball-type of deodorant”? The blonde looks and him with her eyes really big eyes and says, “I do all the stocking here sir, and we don’t have deodorant for your balls, just your under arms”. -------------------------------------------------------------- One nice thing about narcissists; they don’t talk about other people. Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have an ‘S’ in it? Why is it called Tourist Season if we can’t shoot at them? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will actuall 6VFVv2FW&RW&FFFR6W"7&Vv&RV'&G2B6VB77FW&G3wwrFVFW'&G626ЧVwW7B#FVFW"&G2vRV6֗767630