Scrappy, a local beachgoer, couldn’t even get a
second look from any of the girls on the beach. So
he headed over to Razor, at the lifeguard tower, to
see if he had any advice for him.
“Dude, it’s obvious,” said Razor. “You’re wearing
those gnarly old swimming trunks that make you
look like an old geezer. They’re majorly outta’ style.
Your best bet is to get yourself a Speedo—say, two
sizes too small—and drop a potato inside it. You’ll
have all the babes you can handle, dude.”
The following weekend, Scrappy hits the beach
with his brand-spanking-new tight-ass neon green
Speedo and his potato, and it’s not long before
he approaches Razor at the lifeguard tower once
more.
“For cryin’ out loud,” yells Scrappyr, “it’s worse than
before! Everyone on the beach acts disgusted as I
walk by—covering their faces, turning away, laugh-
ing! What’s wrong now?”
“Jeez, Scrap!” shrieks Razor, “The potato goes in
front, dude!”
--------------------------------------------------------------
A body builder takes off his shirt & a blonde says
“Wow what a great chest you have!”
he says “100 lbs of dynamite Babe!”
He takes off his pants & the blonde says “What
massive calves you have!”
He replies “That’s 100 lbs of dynamite babe!”
He then removes his underwear & the blonde goes
running screaming in fear.
He puts his clothes on & chases behind her.
He catches her & ask why she ran like that.
The blonde replies “I was afraid to be around all
that dynamite after i saw how short the fuse was!”
---------------------------------------------------------------
A Doctor was performing rounds at the hospital one
morning and while checking up on a patient named
Bubba, he asked ...
‘So how’s your breakfast this morning, Bubba?’
‘It’s pretty good except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I aint never had no jelly like that and I’m born and
raised in Kentucky.
The Doctor asked to see the jelly and Bubba pro-
duced a foil packet labeled ‘KY Jelly.’
--------------------------------------------------------------
Thibodeau and Boudreau were hunting when Bou-
dreau grabs his chest and falls to the ground,
Thibodeau whips out his cell phone, calls 911 and
tells the operator, “I think Boudreau is dead! What
should I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing
voice says, “Just take it easy and follow my instruc-
tions. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence -- then a shot is heard.
Thibodeau’s voice comes back on the line, “Okay,
gotcha’, now what?”
32 Thunder Roads Magazine Louisiana | May 2017 | www.thunderroadslouisiana.org
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examin-
ing room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the
baby’s first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked
his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the
baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
‘Breast-fed,’ she replied.
‘Well, strip down to your waist,’ the doctor ordered.
She did he pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded,
and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very pro-
fessional and detailed examination. Motioning to
her to get dressed, the doctor said, ‘No wonder this
baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.’
I know,’ she said, ‘I’m his Grandma, but I’m sure
glad I came......literally.”
---------------------------------------------------------------
At a travel agency in Shanghai, Pervey Pete asked
the Chinese attendant if she could escort him on a
city tour and asked for her mobile number to con-
firm. She gave him a big smile, nodded her head
and said, “Sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight . ”
Pervey Pete very excitedly replied, “Wow,
you Chinese women are really hospitable!
A guy standing next to him overheard, tapped him
on the shoulder and said; “What she really said
was: 6-6-6-1-3-6-4-2-9
A little old lady was walking down the street drag-
ging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags was ripped and every once in a
while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said,
“Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag.”
“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d
better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks
for telling me, Officer.”
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop.
“Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal
it, did you?” winking at the little old darlin’.
“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady.
“You see, my back yard is right next to a golf
course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a
knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden.
It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers you
know. Then I thought,
‘why not make the best of it?’ So, now, I stand be-
hind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my
hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks
his “thing” through my fence, I surprise him, grab
hold of it and say, ‘OK., buddy! Give me $20 or off
it comes!’
“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing.
“OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”
“Well now, not everybody pays.”
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