There are two statues in a park ; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman , posed to elegantly cover their privates . They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years , when one day an angel comes down from the sky and , with a single gesture , brings the two to life . The angel tells them , ‘ As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters , you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you ’ ve wished to do the most .’ He looks at her , she looks at him , and they go running behind the shrubbery . The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues . After fifteen minutes , the two return , out of breath and laughing . The angel tells them , ‘ Um , you have fifteen minutes left , would you care to go again ?’ He asks her ‘ Shall we ?’ She eagerly replies , ‘ Oh , yes , let ’ s ! But let ’ s change positions . This time , I ’ ll hold the pigeon down while you crap on its ’ head .’ --------------------------------------------------------------------- A biker couple , just married during Bike Week , were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night . As they undressed for bed , the husband , who was a big burly man , tossed his pants to his hot bride and said , “ Here , put these on .” She put them on , and the waist was twice the size of her body . “ I can ’ t wear your pants ,” she said . “ That ’ s right !!” said the husband , “ and don ’ t you forget it . I ’ m the man who wears the pants in this family !” With that she flipped him her panties and said , “ Try these on .” He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps . He said , “ Hell , I can ’ t get into your panties !” She said , “ That ’ s absolutely right , and that ’ s the way it ’ s going to be until you adjust your attitude , big boy .” --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man boards a plane with six kids . After they get settled in their seats , a woman sitting across the aisle leans over to him and asks , “ Are all of those kids yours ?” He looks bewildered at her and replies , “ No . I work for a condom company . These are customer complaints .”
A man and woman were having a quiet , romantic dinner in a fine restaurant . They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands . The waitress , taking another order at a table a few steps away , suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair , under the table and under the table cloth but the man stared straight ahead . The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and totally out of sight under the tablecloth . Still , the man stared straight ahead . The waitress , thinking this behavior a bit risqué and worried that it might offend other diners , went over to the table and , tactfully , began by saying to the man , “ Pardon me sir , but I think your wife just slid under the table .” The man calmly looked up at her and said , “ No she didn ’ t , she just walked in .” --------------------------------------------------------------------- A teacher asks the kids in her 5th grade class : “ What do you want to be when you grow up ?” Little Johnny says : “ I wanna ’ start out as a Fighter Pilot , then be a billionaire , go to the most expensive clubs , find me the finest ho ’ money can buy , give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks , an apartment in Copacabana , a mansion in Paris , a jet to travel throughout Europe , a no-limit Visa Platinum , and all the while ... banging her like a screen door in a hurricane .” The teacher , shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply continue with the lesson . “ Alright then , and how about you , Sarah ?” “ I wanna ’ be Johnny ’ s ho ’”. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A Doctor asks his patient ; whom is a pregnant prostitute , “ Well , do you know who the father is ?” Prostitute looks at the Doc and very exhaustedly replies , “ Oh , for goodness sake , if you ate a can of beans , would you know which one made you fart ?.” ---------------------------------------------------------------------
www . thunderroadslams . com | April 2018 | Thunder Roads Magazine Louisiana / Mississippi 33