THRIVING Melanin Family Magazine May 2017: A Mother's Love - Page 28

LaKesha Marie: I did a lot. I know that having my kids spared me, God was anchoring me. I was young and out there just doing all kinds of stuff, taking too many risks, but I took being a parent seriously so I stopped a lot of things and focused on taking care of us. I got my first job at 16 working at KFC going to school part time. My family told me that by the end of that year I would have to move out because it was too many grown people living under one roof. I wasn’t grown I just had grown up responsibilities so I had to do what they said I had to do. A week before my 17th birthday I had my first apartment. I was on welfare getting $608 my rent was $475 I would have about $130 dollars or so to take care of me and 2 kids. I started doing some strange things for change. I would boost clothes from time to time, because I didn’t see another way to provide. I was working, but then I realized I was giving my entire check to the babysitter, so I stopped working until my kids were school age because there was no benefit. I realize that I was mimicking behaviors I had seen in my family and looking for love because I wasn’t getting it; my dad wasn’t there, my mother was sick heck my whole family was going through so much sickness. Ms. Pink : So many times we say and believe that we make our own decisions, but so much of our choices are shaped by our experiences, the things we’ve seen and the things that have occurred in our family. But at 16 what else could you do, but do what you’ve been taught through your family you have no idea what else there is. And then we get stuck in the cycle, the system. We want to believe that we are so much more and can do so much more, but when you’re young and need help and there’s nobody all you know to do is the cycle that has been repeated over and over again. LaKesha Marie: We still need someone to hold our hand and walk with us and help us through life. We all need somebody and we especially need to be taught the power we have within ourselves and the other choices. LaKesha Marie: The loss of the custody of my kids. I was in my mid twenties; my son was in the 6th grade. I disciplined my son because he had been acting up and not doing his school work, well he went to school and told them I beat him and he had welts from the belt; so they took my kids. When they took my kids, my life fell apart because they were the only thing I was living for. Losing them was my catalyst for change. I had to walk away from my entire life and move to New Jersey for 3 years. Moving there is where I found God, where I began to face things about myself, deal with my anger, humble myself under the hand of God and allow Him to begin to show, shape and mold me into the woman he had purposed for me to be. Someone eventually said, you are a life coach you are advising people, helping them with their life choices, ministering to them and interceding on their behalf. And then it became clear that everything I had been through was to make me who I am today. Had it not been for the Lord on my side, I would be in a jail cell somewhere. Losing my kids saved me. Ms. Pink: I love that. I don’t love that you had to go through that, but I love that you had to come completely out of your environment to become who you were meant to be. We have to become FREE of our circumstances, environment and mess to become who we are meant to be. I know as mothers there is this unwritten rule that if you leave or lose your children you’re not a mother, but it just isn’t TRUE. How did you get through that emotionally for yourself? LaKesha Marie : Honestly, I smoked a whole lot of weed; let’s just be honest. I was on the fast track to destruction. I spent like 6 months completely intoxicated. But in that I would find myself at 1 or 2 in the morning blasting Gospel music asking God why am I here, what am I doing. When I had my kids these were things I just didn’t do, but as soon as I lost them I just started doing everything without any care. Then I met my partner online who lived in Jersey and she loved me in Ms. Pink: So I have to ask you since the topic of this month’s issue is “A Mother’s Love” how has your relationship with your kids changed from the woman you were to the woman you are? LaKesha Marie: I would say the love is deeper, I have a different love and respect for our relationships and bonds. My kids and I have bonds and talks that we wouldn’t have if we hadn’t of went through all we went through. My son dealt me my greatest heartache, but through it all we have the greatest relationship. 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