THRIVING Melanin Family Magazine June 2017: A Father's Love | Page 16

Giving props to my son’s father by Brenda Sissoko On March 9th 1997, the day Biggie Smalls died, I found out my boyfriend was cheating and so we consequently broke up. That same evening a girlfriend of mine asked for me to go out with her so that she could introduce me to one of her friends. I agreed to go out with her but I was reluctant to meet one of her friends because I knew she had a thing for African men. That evening, needless to say, I did go out and I did meet her friend whom I was pleasantly surprised that I found him to be handsome but also fun to talk to. He definitely took my mind off of the cheating boyfriend for a moment. By Friday of that same week, he asked me to marry him. I initially told him no only because he did not have an engagement ring for me. The next day which was Saturday we went out and got an engagement ring. By Monday March 17th 1997, St Patrick’s Day, we were married. I was excited to inform my ex boyfriend that I had gotten married and was even more happy to return all of his things from my house back to him. It felt really good to be able to tell him that someone wanted to be with me and wanted to marry me. I was happy that he was sad about the way things had turned out. It was a very temporary happiness because as the weeks went on I missed my boyfriend tremendously. Unfortunately, by May I found out I was pregnant and expecting a baby in January of the next year. I was devastated. Devastated because not only did I not want anymore children I was not sure as to who the father was of my baby. It was a toss- up between my husband and my ex-boyfriend. During this time my husband and I were having challenges in our relationship. But with this new news I knew I had to tell him what was going on. I let him know that I was not interested in having this baby and he let me know under no uncertain terms that he was not OK with me terminating the pregnancy. So needless to say regardless as to whose child this was biologically my husband was not having me end the pregnancy. As a matter of fact, he told me that I was his wife and regardless of the paternity of this child, this baby was his. My reason for telling my husband that the baby could possibly be my ex-boyfriend’s was because I believe wholeheartedly that if I was woman enough to step out on my marriage and become pregnant then I had to be responsible enough and women enough to face the consequences regardless of what they may be. My husband completely shocked me when he told me that I was his wife and this was our baby together. Point Blank Period. When the baby arrived I knew instantly that his father was not my husband. And although my husband was very happy for the new addition to our family I knew deep down inside he was hurt because our son was not his biologically. I will always give my ex-husband his props when it comes to taking responsibility for our son. My son does have a relationship with his biological father and knows who he is as well as his family. But when asked if he would like to have his last name changed to his biological father’s last name he said no he wanted to keep his last name given to him by my ex-husband. After my ex-husband and I divorced, we did not have communication with one another for at least 12 years and out of the blue I received a phone call from the friend that introduced us in the first place. She told me that he had reached out to her to see if she was able to reach out to me to get my phone number. I let her know that it was okay for him to have my number and he called. He and I had not spoken for 12 years and the last time we saw one another was the day our divorce was Final and we were leaving the courthouse in Charlotte North Carolina. When I got on the phone with him he apologized profusely for the decline of our relationship and wanted me to know how sorry he was and how much he took full responsibility for the decline of our relationship. I assured him that he did not single-handedly destroy our marriage. He had a lot of help from me. He also wanted to know how our son was and how things were going. Ironically, he was going to be in Ohio and wanted to see if he could meet up to see me and my son. I agreed and was really happy and humbled that he even wanted to see us. As a result of that conversation 3 years ago we still speak weekly and he has resumed his relationship with my son. I will always respect my ex-husband for the role that he’s played in my son’s life and the love that he has shown in this whole situation towards our son. 14 THRIVE MAGAZINE THRIVE MAGAZINE 13 THRIVE MAGAZINE MAGAZINE 15 13