“ When are you going to stop running and Stand for a change ?” by Tiffany Denise Wilson aka Saloma
This is when I knew he was the real deal .
My life hasn ’ t been a fairy tale but one ridden with feelings of rejection and abandonment and guilt and because of that I have perpetuated a cycle . Prior to meeting my husband I had been praying that The Most High would bless me with a husband .
I had changed my mindset , I had got busy loving me and my little one . I was also abstinent . Sadly enough not long after my decision to become abstinent I was raped . I was broken . I couldn ’ t believe I put myself in a situation for this to happen . But the truth is I could have been anywhere and it could have happened . The decision to rape someone is the rapist decision alone but I took the blame .
I asked The Most high , why ? Why do I keep attracting these men who only want to harm me or possess me ?
I began to look over my life and different patterns and realized it was because I didn ’ t set boundaries , that my standards weren ’ t as high as they should be . I sought out to change that and decided that I was going to do things differently .
I went on about my life and became comfortable in my single hood . I met my husband in my fellowship where I would go
As a single mother of two sons , it ’ s not always easy to focus on myself and my wants . I realize this is the same for many These were the word ’ s my new husband said to me after I decided that “ this relationship was not going to work .” Never mind that he did nothing wrong , but it was my insecurities and fears that sent me into flight mode and I wanted out !
I found every excuse in the book . I felt like I was losing my freedom , I felt like he was going to disappoint me like everyone else in my life did . It didn ’ t help that I had been raped only 9 months before by someone that I thought I could trust , someone I thought I was building a friendship with . Tears ’ rolled down my face .
How did he know ? How did he know that all of my life I ran and pushed away anybody who would dare to get close ? I let the word ’ s sink in and I decided to do just that . Stand ! I was not going to continue this cycle . I am not going anywhere .
weekly . There was a baptism one day and the elder and his wife did not have a lot of room in their car and suggested that I ride with this man . I say this man because I did not know who he was at the time . Given my experience I declined and they made room for me in their car .
A week later I locked eyes with this man I never noticed before , but it was something about his eye ’ s that drew me that day we had another baptism and we spoke for the first time afterwards at a group dinner . There was something about him , his spirit that drew me .
We began to talk everyday over the phone and two weeks later the church was going on a camping
THRIVE MAGAZINE 7