When my son came to me at age 6 to
ask me if bitch was a bad word, my
answer was simply “No. A bitch is a
female dog.”
old, they were too young for me to tell them that I too enjoyed that same
feeling. It was a special feeling that Mommies felt when…. Sorry, I digress.
But thankfully, wisdom prevailed and I simply told them “…Yes, our bodies
can tickle us when we’re happy and excited.”
I continued along our journey pretending that we were driving a race car,
much to their delight and love of fast driving. I might have been about my
daughter’s age when I got ‘the talk’. I don’t recall the details, but I knew
it was something along the lines of me becoming a woman and developing
breasts and growing hair ‘down there’ and something about menstruation
and then having a baby. Oh, and I was to read the book. Honestly, in my 8
or 9-yearold mind, it really meant nothing other than confirming to me that
I would never have children. It was gross.
In my 44 years, I’ve learned a lot. (Yes, I’m still in the acceptance stage of
ageing) and some of my greatest lessons have come from my own parenti ng
ups and downs, my personal upbringing and more recently, from the expe-
riences of other parents around me. Truth is, it’s still trial and error for most
of us. But becoming a woman is so much more than getting a period. I mean,
this is it – the penultimate goal, right? We mature and grow and sprout new
parts, and then suddenly, we are women. Nowhere else to go. So there must
be more to the process. And then what happens when we get there? Do we
just prepare to wear deodorant for the rest of our lives, welcome our ‘Aunty
from Red Hills’ once a month, and still not understand how to know, love
and value our own bodies and ourselves? Debra Ehrhardt, the actress and
playwright, recently created an entire monologue called ‘Cocktales’ that of-
fered a great laugh with a deep message. The play took me on a personal
journey that was long forgotten – one that spanned simple seeds of curiosity
and distrust. From an older cousin whose hugs felt different from the rest,
to my first French kiss lesson with a tangerine- when I was 9. Yes, 9 years
old. My teachers were the 13-year-old friends of another cousin. For me, I
was simply thrilled that I was even allowed to hang out with them. Little did
a generation ago related to their children and vice versa, just simply
cannot apply in today’s Information Age. Our kids today are exposed
to so much more than we knew when we were their age. When my
son came to me at age 6 to ask me if bitch was a bad word, my answer
was simply “No. A bitch is a female dog.”
Ok, he continued, “Can I call someone a bitch?”
“Would you like someone to call you a dog?” My response was my
straight-faced and his answer was ‘no’. #nuffsaid.
And when my daughter asked if ‘fuck’ was a bad word, I nonchalant-
ly said “Yes, honey. That’s not a word for children to use.
“Oh, so can adults use it?” Aaah bwoy…You see, outside influences
are inevitable; especially from friends who have older siblings. But if
we play our cards right, our influence will be stronger and last longer.
There are certain words in circulation today more frequently than any
parent would want. Abuse. Pedophilia. Harassment. Rape. Bullying.
We may not like these words, but the truth is, we can’t ignore them.
Though it’s impossible to be with our growing children 24/7, it is pos-
sible – and imperative that we create a space where our children can
share their silliest tales, as well as their deepest and darkest secrets.
If keeping close to them is important to you, then open communi-
cation is probably the best way to maintain that relationship as they
get older. When it comes to personal experiences, there’s a thin line
between sharing and overexposing. I believe that where others see
shame in past experiences, I see great opportunity to share wisdom
with my boy and girl. My children are super curious and yours are
too, I’m sure. I try to be open and honest with my children, consider-
ing age appropriateness, of course. But every once in a while we have
to employ some creativity and a bit of wit. Like when my daughter
asked me if I’d had sex twice and I said yes… I didn’t tell a lie…
#lifeofmom
I know that I had signed up for French Immersion class. Back then, I don’t
know what force on earth could have made me tell my mother. And it’s not
that I was afraid of her, but the channel of communication required for that
type of conversation just wasn’t open. This is the force that causes children
to keep secrets and it’s the same force that I pray to God will never come
between my children and me.
This is one of the reasons why I parent the way I do. My methods may be
faaaaar from perfect, but I really believe that so much of the way parents
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