Looking back on this part of my life, I coined my own term WTF (Woman through Fire) and this is where my
journey of self-discovery started.
Me: As a child did you have the security/stability of a nuclear family?
Kiki: I had mommy and I had daddy but this is what I have come to realise, we all are collective expressions of
what our parents pour into us. So as a child we come into this world as a blank canvas, we come into this world
with the purpose of God on our lives. He puts us with two people who have their own insecurities and limiting be-
liefs that they learned and they begin to pour into us before we have a chance to be who God created us to be. We
then start living our life based on their experiences and before you know it we are constantly asking the question,
“Who Am I?” So Yes, I grew up with Mommy and daddy but I also grew up with their pain, their insecurities, their
limitations and their dysfunctional version of love, but their authentic version of love nonetheless.
Me: I always say that there comes a time when we all recognise the inadequacies within us and we have to stop
blaming our parents for what we feel they should have done or shouldn’t have done. My question is - have you
gotten to a place where you can say I have forgiven them?
Kiki: In honesty there have been many layers, healing can happen overnight for some but for me, the process has
been very gruelling. My first layer was having been arrested and pregnant and as I recognised that I had life grow-
ing inside me it gave me a chance to really connect with my mother on a maternal level. My journey to self-dis-
covery and forgiveness started there and just as you say we cannot blame them, I realise holding onto that blame
makes my life harder than it needs to be. I recognised that as a mother holding on to hurt can have a spiralling
effect that will be passed on to my children if I do not let go of the hurt. It’s like a cycle. Women are nurturers, we
are conduits, we are the soil and men are the seed. Our responsibility is to nurture, so if you see a broken man or
woman, chances are a woman influenced their lives. So equipped with that knowledge I knew I had to let go of
the hurt and see the beauty of what happened and begin to empathise with my parents while understanding that
they did the best that they could. The biggest celebration is that I am here and that is all that matters, it also makes
it that much easier to forgive when I realized that I have hurt others and I would want them to forgive me plus I
have so many different roles as a mother, wife, woman etc. I learned to forgive in these roles and found healing.
Me: Let’s talk about your healing journey. You have been on this journey since age 18; at what point did transfor-
mation take place?
Kiki: The beauty of my story is that I knew God was real, I met him at a very young age and my mother was a
believer and a praying woman.
Me: Quick interjection –were you rebellious?
Kiki: I think teens that come from dysfunction tend to be rebellious. I learned at a very young age not to fear
consequences and to push back, most times not caring. Thankfully I had my own personal close encounter with
God after a beating from my dad.
Me: What age was that?
Kiki: You know what, I try not to refer to things finitely, when you are in abusive situation things can get sketchy
but I would say between ages 7 &15. I was crying out to God and it was as if a voice said, “Do not worry it will
be okay, no matter what, it is going to be okay”. That was the singular message that carried me through every
situation. My transformation into Christianity was a call from God and I cannot say I was ready for Him but He
was ready for me. My turn around did not happen overnight, even though I was called, I was still grappling with
life but I had to go through the process. What I learned is that we can’t try to be good Christians because even our
best is like filthy rags on to the Lord so we have to learn how to do our best but rest in the Lord. I have been a poor
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