The Well Magazine Fall/Winter 2013 - Page 32

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 13 Daddy Void ally abandoned and left by her dad. That little girl made a promise that no one would ever make her feel alone or not good enough again. That little girl blamed herself for making her daddy leave. She decided back then that from then on, she would do the leaving. She would be in control. It was a strong promise, a vow that I kept for many years and unfortunately many people that I cared about, especially my husband, got the bad end of that promise. While my husband and I had plenty of things to work on in our marriage and several obstacles to climb as a couple, it wasn’t until our individual needs and voids were addressed that we started to make some headway. I praise God for wise counsel. It was nothing but God through the help and guidance from our biblical counselor that I was able to see that the rejection that I experienced as a child was the leading force throughout most of my adult life. I had been saved and living for the Lord for many years by then, but I really never experienced the joy and the freedom that He wanted me to experience. When I identified the triggers and dealt with the emotions that came along with them, I was able to finally allow Him to fill the earthly daddy void with spiritual fullness. Once I took the pressure off my husband to be everything that I thought my father was not, then and only then did my marriage heal. Then I could accept my husband for who he was and respect and love him as I should. The chains of the daddy void were gone and it was evident in what blossomed in me as a wife, a mother and as just me--Rhonda. Maybe you have found yourself in the predicament of the daddy void. Maybe you didn’t know your dad at all or maybe he was around but not enough. Perhaps he abused you or your mother in some way. Whatever the case, you can make the transition from void into fullness, but it starts with you. Acknowledge You must recognize the effect of your father’s absence and accept personal responsibility. I believe that parents are responsible for their children's emotional welfare, but it was not until I was forced to look at my own issues, that I realized that I was the problem. Yes. I had experienced pain and hurt. Yes. I was an innocent victim of my parent's divorce and my father’s separation emotionally from me. But the problem was inside of me. I allowed those experiences to be justification for reacting in explosive and unhealthy ways to crises. Secondly, we are not as effective as women because of poor relationships with our fathers. Fatherless women often were once girls who said, I didn't have my dad loving me, so no one loves me. I need a man to affirm me and I am afraid no one will, so I will make myself 32 The Well Magazine Fall/Winter 2013 attractive to somebody, anybody in order to not feel afraid that I am not good enough for love. This is how unhealthy lifestyles in young girls manifest. I am not suggesting that every girl who makes life damaging choices has a daddy void. I realize that there are many roads that can lead down a path of demise. But I am suggesting that we look deeply into the lives of young ladies and pinpoint where destructive patterns set up and determine if there is a link to an absent or dysfunctional dad relationship. Accept No void in life can be filled unless it accepts the substance that is required to fill it up. You must position yourself to accept God’s love and believe in His power. Take a moment and think about your relationship with your dad. Then think about your relationship with God. Are they similar? Do you trust God the same way you trust your earthly dad? If that is even remotely true, you must know today that God has the ability to equip us regardless of our void. Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20, 21 ESV) As women, we have to believe in the power of God to change our lives and our position in life more than we believe in our own power to change our lives and positions. Haven't you been doing it your way long enough? And in the famous words of Dr. Phil, “How's that working for you?" Act God wants to equip us. He wants us to live free of every void and trap that the Enemy has set in our path but, it requires us to do something first. We have to make the decision to rest in Him and His word. God waits for us. He waits for us, so what are you waiting on? He equips us if we live in a state of forgiveness, love unconditionally, seek Him relentlessly, and allow our fruit to be eaten. This is a continuous cycle: Forgiveness Allow your fruit to be eaten Unconditional love Seek Him relentlessly