The Voice Issue 32: October 2017 - Page 20

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Flying with no directions

I’m flying with no directions, scared and alone.

Flying in circles, darkness surrounds me.

A ringing in my head sounds like a telephone.

I want a light to stop this madness.

I can’t see.

Show me that golden light again.

I want to see faces again.

Dreams are nightmares,

People’s faces, gone.

Where is my life?

Is it thrown away or is it just lost in the darkness?

Are my eyes closed?

Why can’t I see?

Someone bring me a flashlight.

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I am lost in the darkness of my past,

Remembering only hatred and pain.

I open my eyes but close them again, scared of the faceless people around me, circling me.

Sympathy scares me. Sympathy is almost like knives are being pushed slowly into my chest.

I can’t cry, my tears won’t come out, and it hurts.

I reach out and only get faceless people who stab me over and over.

I scream but no one hears me; I try to touch those with a face, but my hand goes through them.

I feel like a ghost.

I want to smile, but only a tear runs down my face.

Where am I going?

How did I get here?

And then I open my eyes again and see golden light shining in my eyes.

I feel my heart lighten up.

It opens like a door.

I run toward the brilliant light that warms up my heart.

For the first time I smile.

But the door starts to close again.

I run harder but I realize that I am not going anywhere.

My heart starts to go cold and I fall.

I fall and pitch myself into a deeper darkness.

I know I might never see the light again.

I close my eyes and fade away.

Lily Cole