TransCanada PastSelf
Prince Edward Island, very very east in Canada, where the St. Laurent meets the Atlantic Ocean. The snow has been mostly washed away the past two weeks, while we were making our way over, to the long awaited island and our most eastern point visited in Canada. I’m writing with a terrible headache that has been going on all day, and that doesn’t want to get washed away with drugs, but rather written words. I know why it hurts. It’s been so much in 2 weeks, and so many thoughts are crashing in my brain like shooting stars.
When we set off I felt very peaceful. A long month of preparing the departure from Calgary, what became a home, selling things and giving others away, and the endless goodbye dinner’s and drinks. It was exhausting. So even though I couldn’t leave house and friends behind without shedding a few tears, I was still so relieved to finally go. The sun pushed us out strong, always behind our back, giving us the unexpected perfect 15-20 Degrees for the first 10 days of our journey.
Finally focusing on my writing and reading, working with Eckhart Tolle’s Teachings of “The Power of Now” which really, everyone should read, I found peace within the moment, whenever I could hunt down a trespassing thought I would label it ‘future or past’ (thanks Megan) and push it out with the help of the trees, the prairies, my boyfriend, anything present. It worked.
Our comfort zone was pushed more and more to the edge with reaching Ontario and the present fear of hitting a moose in the dark, being welcomed into Thunder Bay with an amazing light show of dancing lightening. We had to stop next to a petrol station and finish our driving earlier. Better safe than sorry! Our nights sleeping in the car are uncomfortable, as we don’t have enough room to sleep in the back with 2 people, so we just set up both front seats, watch a nice movie together to relax, and then we sleep. Very very thankful for those sleeping bags we invested in. the weather is pushing us further away from comfort, drizzling rainy day blues on me.
Despite my new 'teachings', I keep losing myself into past sadness and future anxiety, both positive and sad. Thinking more and more about what I want to do, and be. New studies I might take on. What I want the essence of my life to be. And how to integrate the current relationship with a wonderful person into a new life idea? Thinking about the kitchen I want to experiment in, the living room I want to play in. And searching for a sense of this journey. Feeling like this kind of traveling is selfish. Being so tired of telling different people every single day about this trip, about my life story. I just want to say ‘It doesn’t matter, I am here NOW!‘ but that wouldn’t be polite. Going back to my resolved ‘Travel Debate‘ post, seeking for help. It’s not like I haven’t had similar thoughts before. But do I really need to be dragged down by them so far? After a moment for myself, today, I held my aching head in my hands and said ‘No!’. I’ve already found out much about what I want to do with my life, and I probably would never have if not through this journey and ‘discomfort’.
So I keep on going. In a few days, we will be in the States.
And maybe in a few months, we will be enlightened by Latin Culture.
May 2015
Yes.....we are! We did it!
August 2015
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